


Transience

by mywasteddream



Category: Arashi (Band), Japanese Actor RPF
Genre: AU, F/M, Ikuta Toma - Freeform, Inoo Kei - Freeform, Kamenashi Kazuya - Freeform, Kintsugi, M/M, Pottery AU, Romance, Yamada Yu - Freeform, a bit of Japanese culture, a bit of Japanese philosophy, a dash of Matsumoto Jun/Kamenashi Kazuya, a dash of angst, a dose of fluff, mentions of established Aiba Masaki/Ikuta Toma, mono no aware, oguri shun - Freeform, one sided Sakumiya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywasteddream/pseuds/mywasteddream
Summary: Jun wanted to ask Ninomiya, a famous potter, to help him fix his cup. He tried calling but nobody picked up, so he decided to just drive to the workshop and ask the potter in person.





	1. Broken Potteries

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta reader, so all mistakes are mine.

“Sensei,” Hongo Kanata, his apprentice called from the door.

 Nino raised his head from the sketch he was working on. “What is it?” 

“A man is here to see you.”

Nino scoffed, hoping it was not another client urging him to hurry and finish their commission. He hated working in a hurry. Each of the pottery that he made was a work of art, with careful contemplation and research. Each of the pottery that he made was made personalized, depending on the image and stories of his clients.

Ninomiya Kazunari is the current owner of Hanishina Kiln. Although he was not yet on par with his late grandfather, he had quite a reputation as a potter. Most of his customers are loyal ones who knew his pace already and understood that Nino would always deliver on time. But new customers sometimes were more tactless, or simply impatient. Sometimes Nino just wanted to bark at them and tell them to buy pottery in Takashimaya or Sogo but he just swallowed his irritation and told his manager to deal with it. Unfortunately, the manager was not available today.

 “It’s Matsumoto-sama, he said that he made a phone call yesterday,” the apprentice said again. 

Nino tilted his head a little, trying to remember if anyone named Matsumoto was in his customer list or if there was a call the other day. It must be written on the notes by the phone in the room where he worked his invoice.

A low voice came from behind Kanata. Nino could not see the person because he was standing outside the workshop and from Nino’s table it was hard to look outside.

“I have not talked to Ninomiya-sensei yet, but I have tried calling these past few days. Nobody answered, so I left messages….” the voice faltered, sounding as if he was not sure if what he was doing was right.

Nino rolled his eyes, but his apprentice snapped on him.

“Sensei,” he complained, whining a little, but still keeping his tone formal in the presence of the guest, unlike the way he always speaks when it was just the two of them, “Didn’t Sho-san tell you to check the answering machine every day?”

He stepped out from Nino’s workshop and talked to the man, loud enough for Nino to hear. Nino knew it was intended. Kanata could be that obvious.

“I am very sorry, but it seems that Sensei was not aware of your phone calls. He is apparently busy at this moment,” a pause, which Nino translated as a silent mock to the fact that Nino forgot to check the answering machine. Kanata could be his apprentice now, but he was actually taken in as uchi deshi, a live-in apprentice by his grandfather, making Kanata a little brother of some kind. The young apprentice continued, “If you would just leave your contact, I will ask him to contact you back….”

At that, Nino put his pencil down and got up from his seat, taking his lazy strides towards the door. He was planning to put up a very rude front to this impolite guest who bothered to see him even without making an appointment, but as he leaned at the door frame, he could not help but a bit marveled at the sight before him.

The guest was standing there under the lights that filtered through ginkgo leaves that covered half of his garden. It was picturesque. A man, perhaps the same age of him, raised his eyes on Nino as he noticed the potter’s appearance. He was holding a box in his right hand, a box, wrapped in purple silk furoshiki, traditional wrapping cloth that was definitely hand-woven. Nino could see the traces of imperfections only handmade things can have. In his left hand, he had sunglasses. The man had well defined facial features that if he said he was not pure Japanese, Nino would just believe him. The eyes were piercing, the eyebrows were thick but nicely trimmed, and he had quite prominent cheek bones. His hair was cut short, but Nino noticed that it was slightly wavy. And he was looking presentable despite being casual, jeans - plain blue jeans that looked just so normal, but so fitting around slim, legs, which Nino noticed were shorter in proportion compared to the body. He was wearing a simple white shirt, which seemed patterned from the shadows of the ginkgo leaves.

He almost gasped.

It made Nino a little self-conscious of himself, hair just falling loosely on his head, messy from work, covered partly with plain white towel he bought in 100 yen shop wrapped around his head to prevent sweat from falling into his eyes, and he was wearing one of his oldest and fading t-shirt and similarly old training pants which had loose threads here and there. Even his glasses were smudged. It was a good thing that he was not firing the kiln by now, or he would have not had time to even shave or properly take shower. That was why Nino hated to meet any client without a proper appointment. He hardly looked proper when he was working.

He noticed the guest’s eyes were trained on him, looking at him from top to bottom, a little surprised.

Nino could already imagine that the man in front of him probably expecting him to wear kimono or yukata, just like how Nino always presented himself when he appeared for his exhibition or any interviews in art or interior magazines, or at least in jinbei, the traditional home wear for summer. As someone considered prominent in Japanese traditional pottery art, those were expected out of him, especially as the grandson of a very famous potter whose works were praised by the people from the emperor’s family.

But Nino knew that he could not play as a new apprentice like he used to before he got this famous. He bet someone who insisted on calling many times and in the end going to his workshop in the middle of nowhere would certainly know his face.

“What do you want?” he asked nonchalantly, pretending he was not nervous under the guest’s gaze.

The man took a step forward and Kanata decided to leave to tend the fire in the back of the workshop.

The man had the courtesy to bow, but he did not take his eyes away from Nino. “I am very sorry to intrude your work. My name is Matsumoto Jun,” he paused for a while as he bowed again. There was that look that seemed like he was waiting for Nino to react to something, but since Nino said nothing and still showed irritated face, he continued again. “I saw your work, the one titled _‘_ Kokoro’ in the Museum of Japan Modern Art special exhibition.”

There was a paused again, like the guest not sure how to continue. Kokoro was one of Nino’s most famous work, a bowl broken and repaired by performing kintsugi, the art of putting lacquered metals to join the pieces. It was also the only work that Nino would never want to sell, but always willing to have it exhibited somewhere, even outside the country.

“So?” Nino asked as he tsked, “What about Kokoro?”

“I was wondering if you can patch this cup,” the man said after he took a deep breath and gave out a sigh. He lifted the box wrapped in purple furoshiki a little.

He hurriedly added, “I know you might not want to patch works that are not yours, but … I saw Kokoro and thought that you’re the only one who could do this. I need to make this cup better than before it was broken. Please take this commission.”

Then the man bowed, forming perfect ninety degrees and holding his eyesight on the tips of his dark brown leather shoes.

Nino gave a sigh. He was always weak with this kind of people, who were determined to get what they wanted by lowering themselves so much and could perform a perfect bow that it made Nino felt he did not deserve such treatment. That’s why he always asked his manager, Sakurai Sho, to meet clients for commission arrangement. It was unfortunate that his manager was currently in Tokyo to care for agreements on Nino’s exhibition in Italy and taking the opportunity to take a week leave and visit his family.

He turned around and entered his workshop. “Come in,” he said, “Keep your shoes on.”

Jun reluctantly entered, unsure if the potter was meaning it after his obvious irritation. But he followed Nino into the vast room with concrete flooring, where there were several pottery wheels, both electrically powered and manual ones. There was a long table with five chairs on each side, the place where the potter taught people in small workshops, and at another corner was another big table with two chairs almost covered with sketches of design ideas. Another table was there with unfinished work and it made Jun felt guilty for showing up unannounced.

Nino lead the way to the innermost of the room, where wooden floor raised a little from the concrete floor, and a flat stone was there with inlays of ceramic pieces and metal strands to help going up to the wooden floor.

“Please come up,” Nino said as he walked to the side and kneeled to present house slipper to Matsumoto. It was interesting that his movements were graceful, like what you would expect from someone from a refined family background, but the shabby clothes that the man was wearing gave a stark contrast.

Jun was not sure whether he had to step up the stone first or arranging his shoes first, before stepping up. But when he was about to put his feet on the concrete floor, he heard Nino scolding him.

“Just go up already,” the grumble was obvious and Jun knew that the owner of the place was still not happy with his visit.

“Excuse me for my intrusion,” Jun said hurriedly and went up to the wooden floor, wearing the slippers that Nino prepared.

There was another tsk coming from the potter when he said that.

The potter moved a little to open a sliding door while he stayed kneeling on the floor. “Please wait inside,” he said as he gestured into the small tatami room and proceeded to arrange Jun’s shoes to face away from the wooden floor.

Jun entered the room and kneeled down to sit. The jeans felt uncomfortable to seiza, sitting on his folded legs, but he felt obliged. It was only proper to sit that way. He put the box to his right and his sunglasses to his left, looking around the room as Nino was still busy outside.

The room was very small, only four and a half tatami size. And it was surrounded by three sliding doors, one lead to the workshop, one leading to another room, and the last one, sliding doors made of milky glass and dark wood instead oftraditional sliding doors made out of paper and wooden frames. The doors unmistakably leading to another garden because Jun could see shadows of Japanese maple tree engraving its patterns slowly on the door. The wall in front of Jun had a recess on the wall where a painting was hung, a stream flowing quietly and a single fish swimming against the stream, drawn using watercolor and framed by shades of bamboo grooves.

It marveled Jun for a while, this tranquility. But the calm burst as he heard sliding door being snapped close to his other side.

Nino entered and sat in front of him, exactly at the distance of the half tatami lying right in the heart of the room. He sat straight and looking comfortable sitting in proper seiza form in his battered clothes.

Jun mused how this contrasts the elegant forms that surrounded them yet fitting for the ease of the man’s posture.

“The cup,” he gestured towards the box, “Can I see it first?”

Jun slid the box towards Nino who accepted it with respect. It seemed that he treated the box and whatever inside with more respect than towards any human.

Jun noticed that the pot master’s hands were small and he had rather stubby short fingers. The hands had scars and burned marks that showed the toils of being a potter. The short fingers slowly untangled the knot of the cloth, revealing a wooden box.

“This was made here,” he said, tracing burned mark on one of the corners of the wooden box.

Jun only nodded.

Nino opened the box slowly and picked up the biggest piece of the broken cup. It was a tea cup for Japanese tea ceremony. Earthen color, simple glaze, dark. The making was certainly amateur, it was uneven, and the glaze was not properly covering the outer side of the cup. It was probably made during one of the pottery workshops for the public. The mark on the box was unmistakably his grandfather’s workshop mark; intricate kanji of their brand. Nino’s workshop mark was clean cut and more geometric.

He traced the broken piece dearly. The irritated face that he had before melted away and Jun could see how much Nino appreciated his cup, despite not par to the standard of experts.

“What is its story?” Nino asked rather dreamily, tracing the piece. It seemed well used, definitely loved by the owner. But the shattered pieces were small. Falling from a table did not cause this.

The man before him fidgeted a little.

“I… uh… smashed it… threw it against a wall….” Jun lowered his face, ashamed of saying he smashed the cup in front of a famous and well-respected potter.

Nino’s face, however, softened even more and he gave a slight smile, an understanding.

“It must have hurt so much,” he said, putting down the piece and closed the box.

“I am sorry, Matsumoto-sama,” he wrapped the box with the furoshiki and slid it back towards Jun. “I cannot help you to mend this.”

Nino saw the obvious disappointment on Jun’s face as he accepted the box back.

“You have to mend it yourself,” Nino continued.

Jun looked up and saw a flicker of emotion on the potter’s face which disappeared as soon as it surfaced, covered with soft smiling front that Ninomiya-sensei had shown ever since he opened the box.

“I don’t know how to do it.”

“Come back later and I will open a kintsugi workshop for you, I’ll teach you how.”

Jun’s face lit up, but a revelation made his face darkened again. “Could you tell me when it would be? I need to make sure that my schedule is open….”

The potter tilted his head a little as if he tried to remember something. “I don’t have one in the moment, but we can arrange something. Give me your contact and I will come back to you.” Nino continued, “I am not allowed to mend this cup,” he shook his head, “you’re the one who has to mend it. No one else can.”

He bowed, “Now if you excuse me, I need to go back to my work. My apprentice will show you out. You can leave your contact to him.” He bowed again and went away from the room.

As soon as the door was shut close, he could hear faintly the potter calling for his apprentice.

 

**

 

“So you take this guy’s submission?” was what Sakurai Sho asked him when he came back to Nino’s place the day after.

“I said I would teach him kintsugi,” Nino answered grumpily as he bit into  a piece of ningyoyaki, doll-shaped cake filled with red bean paste that Sho brought back from Tokyo. He hated it whenever Sho made fun of his inability to say no to people despite always swearing that he would not take anymore submission by himself.

“It’s the same. I told you that you have commissions in line and you’re supposed to finish them.”

“It will only take one day…,” Nino paused, “a day and a half.”

Sho sighed. “Whatever it is your reason.”

“He said he saw my Kokoro in the exhibition.”

“So?”

“That cup had a life,” Nino’s voice was quiet when he said it, and his eyes flickered.

At that Sho’s face softened. Nino could be sentimental even if he always insisted he was not. The kintsugi masterpiece was a proof of how sentimental the artist was.

“I’ll take them from your holidays. You can stop playing games for a day or two, right?”

Nino pouted.

“Oh, and you will have to fly to Italy for the convention. So finish your commissions fast.”

“Fine.”

Nino rose from his seat and went back to his studio.

“You just never change, don’t you?” Sho sighed. His eyes went to a bowl standing on a short cabinet. It was black, vivid black with a web of crack pattern covering the surface, highlighted with platinum infill. There was a cut of titanium embedded into the bowl, placed in a wicked balance that gave tension, not really in the middle, a little skewed. The titanium rainbow colors were burned with precision, leaving the outer part the same color of white as the platinum fill. The bowl put Nino to fame, after Satoshi, the painter who lived just down the street stole the bowl and sent it to a pottery competition.

Nino had smashed the bowl a long time ago. By smashing, it was not just throwing it down, he crushed it with his bare hands. The scars on Nino’s left hand were fading away, covered with calluses and burned marks from constant working with potteries, but the lines on the bowl stayed there forever.

 

**

 

Nino learned that Jun was the actor Matsumoto Jun from Sho, right after the manager secured a schedule for the kintsugi workshop a few days later. Apparently, he was made to talk to the manager of the actor.

“You didn’t tell me that it was him,” Sho said. The manager liked the novelty of meeting a famous person, although he met famous artists and artisans from time to time.

“Who?”

They were having dinner, the three of them, Sho, Nino, and Kanata. Kanata was the one who was in charge of preparing food, buying or cooking. Nino never bothered cooking. He would rather call delivery. And Nino banned Sho from the kitchen after he burned a piece of bread and broke the microwave plate for heating a piece of bread for ten minutes.

Sho turned to the apprentice. “You knew, right?”

Kanata nodded. “When I first saw him.”

“And you don’t,” Sho pointed his chopsticks to Nino.

Nino took the chopsticks away and put them on the table. “You’re so rude, Sho-chan.”

“You failed to recognize Matsumoto Jun, the actor. Like, THE actor. Can you still call yourself a social creature? His face is everywhere.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nino scoffed. Was it wrong to enjoy not stepping out of his property at all? Was it wrong to never have an interest in watching TV? After all, a good TV worth more to be plugged into game console than to watch boring talk shows.

But that explained why Jun was beautiful. The shadow of ginkgo leaves on his white shirt, Nino remembered.

Sho sighed in defeat. “Hermit!”

“What’s the use of having you and Kanata if I need to ever step out?” Nino made a point that he did not like his lifestyle being criticized by shoving a piece of tamagoyaki into his mouth.

“Recluse! Hikikomori!” Sho continued and Nino pretended that his manager did not exist. Kanata just rolled his eyes and continued eating silently.


	2. Broken Bowl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sho remembers how he got to know Nino and how he ended working for the kiln.

Sho and Nino knew each other when Nino just entered university. Sho was in his third year of economic study, Nino a first-year student, aiming to learn metallurgy. It was the time Nino was not interested in working with pottery. In fact, he was desperate to run away from having to continue the brand that had gone for more than two hundred years. He knew he would eventually have to come back to that workshop, but for these four years, he just wanted to have his freedom.

They met by coincidence, in a tableware shop where Sho was trying to find a gift for his father. He was holding a sake ceramic bottle and considering if he should buy it or just something easier to choose such as cuff links when someone told him quietly.

“That one is factory made. It’s not worth it. The one beside it is hand-made, better quality, and only slightly more expensive. I recommend that one.”

Sho turned around, thinking that he would find the shopkeeper, but instead, he was eye to eye with a teenager with a cheeky smile.

“I’m not lying. Really. And that one will give better even heat than this one,” the boy continued, “Even if you’re using microwave to heat your sake.”

He took away the sake bottle from Sho’s hand and changed it with the one he meant.

Sho was not sure if it was his imagination or if it was real, but the touch of the glaze felt different and the finishing of gold swirls on top of dark red earthenware looked very elegant. Sho wondered how ¥1500 could make so much difference.

“And if it doesn’t come with a certificate, you should demand one,” the teenager continued.

“Are you an expert or something?” Sho asked in disbelief.

The boy just gave a smug grin. “I know a bit about pottery.” Then he bowed a little, “Ninomiya Kazunari. People call me Nino.”

Sho introduced himself back, and somehow they started a lifetime friendship, which later made Sho decided to quit his boring day job to work for Nino.

 

**

 

Sho also remembered the summer Nino smashed the bowl. Sho was already working in a trading company for almost three years, and that summer he decided to take a leave to join Nino and stayed in Nino’s grandfather’s place. It was in the mountains in Gifu Prefecture, nice place to run away from the hustle bustle of Tokyo.

Nino, on the other hand, was in the last year of his master’s program, majoring in metallurgy. Sho met Kanata for the first time that summer although the boy had been staying there for about a year. The young boy, whom people said he was a genius, was groomed to continue the workshop. Nino had yet to show his interest of becoming a professional potter, despite his gift of shaping molds into beautiful shapes of ceramic. Kanata was a thin, lanky teenager with slanted eyes. He was a quiet boy, pretty much like Nino, and having a similar hunch to talk in cynicism and sarcasm if being allowed.

Nino’s grandfather was a kind and a rather eccentric old man, but it was only expected from a prominent artist. The elderly basically raised Nino by himself because his daughter passed away giving birth to Nino, and his son in law moving from one country to another due to his work. The potter was old, perhaps nearing 90 but still healthy looking. Sho never knew the actual age. He knew he could just look for it online, but he never bothered to. The pottery artisan married late, and his wife, despite way younger than him, had passed away three years back.

It was in the middle of August. Sho clearly remembered that. He took Nino out to buy something for dinner for the four of them. Nino’s grandfather was working in his workshop for some orders. Kanata was at school at that time, having to attend some compulsory summer classes. They returned to the house at about 4 pm, having gone a bit further into the city to buy souvenirs for Sho to bring back to Tokyo.

“Grandpa, we’re back!” Nino said out loud as he entered the house, “We bought your favorite pickles. Sasaki-baachan gave extras for you. You should call her and say thanks.”

The house was quiet. Nino turned his face to Sho. Usually, his grandfather would be drinking tea at the engawa and listening to the sound of rustling leaves in the evening.

“Maybe he’s still in the workshop,” Sho said as he arranged the plastic bags they brought from shopping in the kitchen, “He has a commission from a restaurant in Kyoto, right?”

Nino sighed, “He can be lost in work. Really.”

He walked out of the house again and headed to his grandfather’s workshop.

Sho was still putting the food out of the container when Nino entered the house in a rush, face pale as if he just saw a ghost.

“Sho-chan, call ambulance,” was what he said before he rushed back out again.

Later in the hospital, Sho learned that Nino’s grandfather fainted from heat stroke near where he fired his potteries. But the doctor said that although he looked stable, they warned Nino that for an elderly like Nino’s grandfather, to have heat stroke like that could be fatal, so they kept him in the hospital.

“I should have gone home earlier,” Nino said before he went quiet and sat by his grandfather’s bed. Sho could only put his hand on Nino’s shoulder. Nino went home late because Sho wanted to buy local sweets for souvenir and they took a detour.

 

**

 

Nino’s grandfather passed away two days later without gaining his consciousness. Sho extended his leave to attend the funeral, although his boss was not happy with it.

The funeral itself was quite grand, with a lot of renowned artisans and clients coming to pay respect. For someone who had never shown interest in taking over the workshop, Sho noticed that Nino knew them by names and faces. Abe, Nino’s grandfather’s legal representative, a man a tall forty-something man with dark complexion, was standing at Nino’s left and Katagiri, Nino’s grandfather manager, and balding elderly standing on the other side. Nino’s father could only arrive a day later, having his flight delayed by a storm in Thailand. Kanata was also standing in the family line, for being the only apprentice of the potter.

Despite the funeral, the okami, the mistress, of the Kyoto restaurant asked about her commission. Sho found it rude, but Nino simply said that business is a business.

The next question was who would inherit the workshop. Nino’s grandfather had not changed the will, and Nino’s name was still there as it had been since Nino was born. Kanata’s name was not mentioned there. It seemed like Nino’s grandfather did not think that Kanata was ready. He had only been an apprentice for a little more than a year.

Sho was not sure why he was there during the discussion since he was not a family member. Perhaps Nino dragged him into the room for support.

“I’m not….” Nino’s voice faltered. He looked at Sho for a while and then at Kanata and then at his father who only gave a grave nod.

Nino’s father, just like Sho, was actually an outsider in the meeting. He was not from an artisan family and have no expertise at all in potteries. He would not even inherit the land because all were inherited by Nino’s late mother and automatically passed down to Nino. But it was about his son and his father in law, so he had the right to know.

Kanata was sitting next to Nino. Although he was not a real family member, he was taken in as uchi deshi by Nino’s grandfather, and along with it came the intent of making him the heir of the kiln. However, he had not reached the level that could care for the kiln, and he had not yet been accepted as the heir. Kanata’s parents were also present because the apprentice was still underaged. They could insist on having Kanata inherit the workshop, as the talk was there when Kanata was taken from the family as uchi deshi at the young age of fifteen. But they did not. They seemed to let the others decide.

“The okami of Ten no Ryu told during the funeral, that if Kazunari-san would inherit the workshop, she would keep the commission,” Abe said, “but the talk will be different if it is Hongo-san that inherits the place. You are alreadybacknowledged in the national society.” He gestured at Nino.

Nino looked confused.

“I have not created anything seriously for several years,” he said in the end, “and I’m not… I mean, regardless of joining competitions and being a member of the potter society, I don’t….”

“Your grandfather and your mother would be happy if you take care of the workshop, Kazunari,” it was Nino’s father who finally opened his mouth after a long silence, “At least, do it until Kanata-san is of age and able to stand on his own as a potter. If in the end, you don’t want to take care of this place, you can pass it down. Or you can stop if there is no one to inherit it. This brand could be a legacy, but it should not tie you down. That’s why your grandpa never stopped you from going to the university.”

Nino took away his eyes from his father and looked at his hands instead, finding the sleeve of his t-shirt more interesting than giving an answer.

“Kazu-nii,” Kanata spoke again. For someone so young, he already knew what he wanted and strived to achieve it. “I know I have no right to speak too much, but I look up to you as both older brother and senpai. I personally do not want the technique of this family to stop this way, so please teach me until I master all that you have learned from Sensei. If you are not willing to inherit this workshop, I will.”

“Kanata!” the apprentice’s mother stared at her son in horror. “You’re crossing the line,” she said, slapping her son on his thigh, and then dragged him to bow deeply with her. “Ninomiya-san, please excuse my son. He is too young and too bashful.”

“But that’s why Sensei took me in,” Kanata insisted, even when his head was still held down by his mother.

Sho’s eyes caught Nino stealing a glance at him, asking for an answer, but Sho knew it was not his place to say anything. It was not even his place to be there in the family meeting. He could only give a nod, encouraging Nino to make a decision, although he knew it was not an easy one to make.

“Give me time to think,” in the end Nino said slowly, “Give me a week.”

Abe gave his agreement. “We have to settle this matter soon, but a week sounds good enough.”

They called off the night. And the next morning Sho went back to Tokyo.

Nino stayed behind. Sho actually was worried about Nino because ever since his grandfather was hospitalized, he looked depressed, blaming himself for leaving the house too long. But Sho could not leave his work longer.

The rest of what happened that week, Sho learned from Ohno Satoshi, the young painter who lived nearby and partly from Kanata. During his visit, Sho learned that the sleepy looking man often ate in Nino’ grandfather's place. The painter found Nino when he dropped by to return a pot that he borrowed for painting still-life three days after Sho went back home.

“I was so shocked to see that his hands were bleeding. I thought he cut his wrist with a piece of broken plate,” Ohno told him when Sho visited Nino the following weekend. “Then I learned he was crushing the plate with his bare hand. Such a waste of talented hand.” He sighed then.

“Kazu-nii thinks he cannot produce the same quality as Sensei,” Kanata added. Different from Nino, Kanata had set his goal to being a pottery artisan.

The three of them were sitting at the engawa, looking at the small stone garden that separated the workshop and the house. Nino was at the hospital, having to check his wounds. He went alone, saying he’d rather have the others prepare something for dinner.

“Kazu-nii is different from Sensei, indeed,” Kanata said, poking the senbei Sho brought from Tokyo. “But he has his own style and his creation is very near to Sensei’s quality. Sensei said that himself. Just the art is different.”

Bearing a brand that has a history of hundreds of years was surely a lot of pressure, Sho thought. He had no understanding of such thing. Being a son of a professor who was expected to go for academia was already hard on him, but is surely did not par to having to carry such history. And nobody criticized him when he decided to work after he finished his undergraduate study. The company he worked in was prominent and hard to enter.

“I like Kazu’s potteries,” Ohno mused, “It’s daring but still traditional.”

Kanata chuckled, “I think the same.”

“I have no idea at all what you’re saying,” Sho grumbled. Years of knowing Nino, but he hardly ever heard him discussing the art of pottery. He would diligently listen to Nino’s grandfather about the history and philosophies, but art was something Sho was rather helpless in.

“I’d call him ‘sensei’ if he takes over the workshop,” Kanata mused, though it was layered with mischief.

“Do you think he would?” Sho asked. After hearing about Nino’s frustration in fulfilling Ten no Ryu’s okami commission, Sho was not sure if Nino would agree for that. He also had seen how bad Nino’s left hand - his dominant hand - was hurt. Nino said he had some stitches and Sho could see that it was swollen.

“He’s the only Hanishina Kiln real descendant now,” Kanata said, “despite not a Hanishina.”

Hanishina is Nino’s mother’s maiden family name.

“That alone cannot make you want to continue,” Sho said. He could understand Nino’s reluctance before his grandfather passed away.

“You’ll see,” Kanata said. He finally picked up a piece of senbei and bit into it, making crunchy sounds to fill in the lazy summer afternoon. “Ten no Ryu’s okami will answer for him. He told me yesterday.” He stopped again to eat another piece of senbei.

“I saw the set he prepared,” Ohno said, “they are beautiful.”

“Yeah, I guess the answer will be a ‘yes’.” Kanata said as he snickered. He had trust in his aniki.

The prediction of the two was right. Later that night the okami called, telling that she was very happy with the dining set she received. It was planned for the autumn menu of their high-end restaurant. She even sent several pictures of how the set would look when they were used to serve the food.

The set were all vivid black, unglazed stonewares, and the brim of each plate had a thin streak of yellow that reminded Sho of falling ginkgo leaf. The design had that tranquil and nostalgic feeling.

Sho never realized that Nino’s pottery could be that moving. In fact, he hardly ever saw anything his best friend made.

 

**

 

“You’re quitting the school, then?” Sho asked later, as the two of them drank beer and smoked at the same engawa where Sho, Ohno, and Kanata talked that afternoon.

Nino puffed a trail of smoke. “I think not. It’s only one semester left anyway. And I have started my experiment. I will come here every weekend. Kanata still has his school and it’s his last term. I guess it’s better to start off fresh after we both graduate next March.”

“Wouldn’t that be hard?”

“Must be.” This time Nino paused to take a gulp of beer. “But I’m not wasting my five and a half years of studying metallurgy.”

Sho gave a long hum in response. The two fell silent again. Sho could hear the wind rustling the leaves in the garden and the sound of the windchime that Nino’s grandfather put at the start of summer. Time flowed slowly there.

“Sho-chan,” Nino called, pulling Sho out of his reverie.

“Hmm?”

“I might not be able to pay you as well as the company you work in, but, will you work with me for Hanishina Kiln?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for going into a different timeline, and a bit away from Nino and Jun. I'll get back to them in next chapters. This is a little too dramatic for my taste, actually ... but the characters just decided the story by themselves and I lost control.


	3. Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the time Jun stayed over at Nino's place before the workshop.

Matsumoto Jun came to Nino’s place at the end of August. It was almost nine at night. Because of both Jun’s and Nino’s schedules, their managers decided that Jun would need to stay over. He would stay overnight because it was in the middle of movie recording and he had to leave in the evening the next day for an early morning shooting back in Kanagawa. Sho said that it would be easier to let the actor stay over so they could start early in the morning.

Jun’s manager would stay over too because he would drive Jun to the shooting area. In a short contact regarding the workshop, Sho had befriended Jun’s manager. His name was Aiba Masaki, a lanky man with light brown hair that looked like he could be a model in fashion magazines. He had a bubbly personality and rather an air-head that his first impression made Sho wondered if he really could do his work as a manager. But Sho learned then that everybody seemed to love Aiba and it helped Jun to be connected with people in the entertainment business.

Kanata and Sho opened the door for them. Nino was still working in his studio when they came. He was drawing a design to submit to a gallery in New York.

Kanata whispered to Sho that both of the guests were too fashionable compared to the three of them. Sho had to admit that he looked very unattractive with light blue checkered shirt and army patterned pants, while Kanata, whose way of dressing up in the house did not differ much from Nino was wearing training pants and an old t-shirt.

Jun was wearing casual t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers which by one look showed that they were limited edition. Aiba was wearing jeans and black shirt, but he topped it with an ivory-colored sport blazer.

“Maybe we should change?” Kanata asked in a low voice after he took Aiba and Jun to their room and left them freshen up a little.

Sho considered that too, but he felt weird if they suddenly changed clothes just to have dinner. After all, Aiba had said in his phone call that they did not need to put too much effort for Jun and him. He said having opened a private workshop for Jun despite Nino’s busy work was already something to be grateful to.

The manager and the apprentice arrived at Nino’s studio. Kanata cleared his throat before knocking the door and opened the door. “Kazu-nii, the guests have arrived. Let’s have dinner,” he said as he walked into the room and took off Nino’s headphones. Even when they were still perched on Nino’s head, both of them could hear the music blasting.

Nino almost jumped, but then he put down his pencil and turned off his player. He clicked his tongue, “how many times I told you not to surprise me?”

Kanata just snickered and left again for the kitchen. Even after he was good enough to sell his works, Kanata still stayed as an apprentice and be responsible as their in-house cook. He said he was still trying to find his own style and still became affiliated with Hanishina Kiln. Nino offered him to be a partner two years back, but the young man refused, staying instead as apprentice although at times he would travel around Japan to stay in at other famous potters’.

“You might want to change before dinner,” Sho said, pointing at Nino’s old t-shirt. It had smudges of charcoal and flakes of dried clay. “We’re having dinner with Matsumoto-san and Aiba-san soon.”

 

**

 

Nino just came out of the bathroom and drying his hair with a towel when he passed the tatami room where they had had their dinner before. He found that the sliding doors towards the garden were open and Jun was sitting at the engawa, drinking tea. A mosquito coil holder in the shape of pig stood next to him, giving out faint white smoke.

Nino stopped for a while to savor the view. He liked the way Jun leaned to a wooden column, one leg folded on the wooden floor and his arm on his knees, the other leg hanging loosely. He looked like he contemplating on something.

Jun turned around after a few moment as he felt Nino’s gaze on him.

“I did not mean to disturb you. I’m sorry,” Nino hurried saying, a little sheepishly, caught red handed intruding into Jun’s private moments.

“I don’t mind,” Jun said lightly. He gave a slight smile. “I’m the one interfering in your house.”

Nino dared himself to step inside the tatami room and crossed the room towards the engawa. He took a seat opposite of Jun, leaning on the other wooden column.

“Thank you for this,” Jun said as Nino started to continue drying his hair again. Jun’s hand gesturing in the general direction of the house, and Nino noticed how the hands of the actor were nicely manicured and blemish free, so different from his hands.

Nino mumbled that it was nothing for him and Jun knew it was partly a lie because it slightly showed.

But Jun liked it, the way Nino showed no pretense. His attitude so domestic, like Jun had been a part of that house for a long time.

At the beginning, Jun did not expect to see a man in an old and battered outfit like when he first met the potter. What he had seen in the magazines and in the pictures shown in the galleries or review homepages always featured a boyish-looking man in formal kimono or in suits. And tonight the potter was again wearing old clothes, a gray t-shirt and dark blue shorts that looked very comfortable to sleep in, despite already fading in color. It made Jun felt a little over-dressed, wearing designer’s label set-up home wear. Jun thought he would always be too conscious of how others would see him as a famous actor, expected to look classy and stylish all the time.

“This place is beautiful,” Jun said after a moment of silence.

Beyond the small rock garden, they could see the studio and workshop area. It was a separate building, and the side that they could see from the engawa was the area where the administrative office, Nino’s drawing studio, and the tatami room where Jun was accepted as a guest a few weeks back. A little behind that building, Jun could see hazy smoke rising up from the kiln. The Hanishina Kiln kept the traditional way of baking the pot, using firewoods and outdoor kiln. It was harder to maintain the temperature, but people said that it gave a distinguished pattern and flavor that fits the Japanese philosophy.

Jun remembered, in that workshop building, ten years ago, he made the cup which he intended to put back together tomorrow. Was it three years ago when he broke the cup? Was it two and a half years ago? Jun could remember what happened and how it felt, but his head refused to remember the exact date. Now that he had started to make peace with himself, he wanted to rebuild it.

“You came here before, right?” Nino asked.

“Yes.” Jun took a deep breath, “There are things that changed from before. The doors, it was shoji, not milky glass sliding doors,” Jun pointed to the middle room of the building before them. He remembered it clearly about having lunch there with other pottery workshop participants. It was for a TV show. Jun was so young back then. And then there was Higashiyama Noriyuki.

 

Noriyuki-san.

 

Jun still felt his chest tightened when he remembered that day, that person, but thankfully tonight he had a distraction.

The man sitting opposite of him stopped drying his hair and put his hands on his laps instead, towel still perching on his head. He smiled a little. “I had it changed five years ago. It’s too cold for me in winter with shoji.” He chuckled.

“I came here ten years ago,” Jun said, “I did not see you around.”

“I was in Tokyo. Studying.”

Jun’s eyes lit up. “Really? What did you study?”

“Metallurgy. It’s nothing fancy.”

Jun laughed. “Going to university is fancy.” He took a sip of his tea, now lukewarm from staying untouched for too long, “I did not even go to university. I was already busy acting then.”

Nino scoffed, pulling his legs up and hugged his knees close, leaning a little forward. He had that childish glint of taunt in his eyes. “Being an actor is fancier.”

“And still you did not know me.”

Nino turned away from Jun, blushing a little. “You’re just denying that you’re not that famous.” There was a little pout formed on his lips. Nino still hated the fact that Sho called him a hermit when the manager realized that he did not recognize who Jun was during his first meeting. Now that he knew the face of the actor, he realized that he should have seen him everywhere.

Jun laughed again.  “You’re right. Maybe.”

This no pretense. And this no recognition. It made Jun felt safe. People usually skirted around him or latching on him. The price of being famous. For some people, knowing Jun was like a trophy to brag. For others, he could be a ladder to climb. For others, he could be an enemy to break.

They both fell back into silence.

Jun submerged himself into the quiet sound of rustling leaves and wind chime. A cry of cicada was heard for a while and it went quiet again. He took a deep breath. It was so different from the fast-paced life that he had back in Tokyo. It felt like the time had stopped moving.

He almost jumped when he felt someone touched him on his shoulder. Jun hated being touched without his permission. But before he could snap at whoever pulled him out from his bliss, he found Nino’s face hovering a bit closer to him and realized his place.

“If you’re sleepy, you should sleep inside. Sho-san should have prepared the futons in the guest room,” Nino said, face showing a hint of concern. “We’ll have to start early tomorrow.”

The potter stood up and left Jun alone.

It took Jun longer to stand up from his place after he watched the potter walked slowly away from the engawa. He just realized how the potter slouched when he was walking.

 

**

 

Jun was not a morning person. But he pushed himself to be in his professional mood and managed to get out of bed at five in the morning. The sky had started to brighten and sunrise would come in thirty minutes. His manager opened his eyes and scratched his head, apparently awake from the alarm that Jun set before he had gone to bed.

“What time is it?” the manager asked, grabbing blindly for his phone.

“Go back to sleep. You’ll need to drive me back to Kanagawa later,” Jun simply said although it sounded like he was grumbling. At least Aiba already got used to his bad mood in the morning.

The manager pulled his blanket back over his face and not long after Jun could hear quiet snore.

Jun grabbed his glasses and travel shower kit before he stood up. He already could hear people were bustling in that house. Perhaps it was true that people in the countryside woke up earlier than the people in the city. He stepped out from his room and almost bumped into Sho who was about to knock at the guest room.

“Ah, you’re awake already,” the manager grinned after they exchanged their sorry. He looked fresh, smelling like a hint of aftershave and mint. “Breakfast is ready.”

“I’ll be there after I refresh myself,” Jun said and the manager let him pass.

He found Nino coming down from his room upstairs on the way to the bathroom. He looked even messier than normal, still having bed hair and puffy eyes.

“Good morning,” Jun said out of courtesy.

“It is not a good morning if you’re thrown out of your bed by your own apprentice,” Nino grumbled, scratching his head as they walked side by side towards the bathroom.

Jun almost laugh to see someone who hated morning as much as he was. He could hear the apprentice calling from the stairs about not playing games too much.

“You play games!” Jun liked what he found out.

The answer was just a low grunt which sounded vaguely like “yes”.

“You go first,” Nino said then and gestured at the bathroom.

Jun said his thanks as he entered the bathroom. When he came out feeling refreshed and a bit more alive, he found that the potter had draped himself over the washing machine by the bathroom and having his eyes closed, his towel under his head as a makeshift pillow.

“Sensei,” he called, unsure if he had to shake the potter or not.

“I’m awake,” the potter answered as he slowly raised himself from the washing machine and disappeared into the bathroom. There was a pattern of towel on his right cheek.

“That’s surprisingly cute,” Jun thought.

Jun stared at the closed bathroom door for a while before heading to the tatami room.  Sho and Kanata were already there, joined by another person with round face that Jun had not seen before. The three of them were already eating. Apparently, they did not have a rigid rule to wait for the head of the house to eat.

“Does Sensei always have that bad mood in the morning?” Jun asked, helping himself to an egg, cracking it into a small bowl and mixed it with a dash of soy sauce before pouring it over steaming rice that Kanata put before him.

“Only when he doesn’t get enough sleep,” Sho said, face looking happy as he shoveled rice into his mouth. “Oh, this is Ohno Satoshi. He lives down the street.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jun said.

Sho continued, gesturing at Jun, and catching Ohno’s eyes with his, “And this is Matsumoto Jun-san. He’s here to learn kintsugi from Nino.”  The man with round face just gave a nod, lazily munching his breakfast.

Jun noticed that Sho did not refer to Nino as “sensei” as usual. Perhaps, when there was no outsider, they would call each other with nicknames. He also noticed how Ohno Satoshi did not react to his name nor his face.

Nino entered the room not long after and sat next to Ohno despite there was more space next to Sho. Jun noticed how they were almost touching. Jun also noticed how Kanata stood up and disappeared into the kitchen as Nino entered and returned with a serving of rolled fried egg a little later. He put it in front of Nino. The potter smiled at the fried egg and only then he started eating. Jun found it just a little endearing that the potter did not eat tamago kake gohan. Like a child.

The talk during breakfast was dominated by the three asking Ohno about his recent visit to New York. It felt a little awkward at the beginning for Jun, feeling left out as an outsider. But then his eyes caught Nino glanced at him, and the potter asked if he had ever gone to New York. Jun felt grateful that the potter tried to include him in the conversation.

 

**

 

“Please wear this,” Nino extended an apron to Jun. The potter himself did not bother to put any on top of his clothes.

Jun realized that it was perhaps the reason why all Nino’s clothes, whenever Jun saw him in person, were all shabby and fading. They might have smudges and being cleaned with a strong detergent that would ruin the colors and texture of clothes. He shuddered imagining his beloved clothes - although most of them only see outside of his walk-in closet twenty times top, and put the apron over his t-shirt and jeans.

Nino told him to open the box which contained his cup. “Could you put them together? It would be easier if you have them arranged before starting.” He put a masking tape on the table and a scissor in front of Jun. “Use this to tape them together. Make sure to use small pieces, you’ll need to take them off later.”

Jun took out the pieces from the box one by one and started working. He loved building puzzles and had a vivid memory of how the cup would look like when it was fixed. He worked from the base slowly, putting them together with small cuts of masking tape. It was like building back a memory.

“You asked before, what’s the story of this cup, right?” Jun asked. “I have never told anyone of this, but if you want to hear...”

Nino looked up at Jun. “Are you sure I won’t sell the story to a tabloid?”

“I can sue you for defamation. I guess my lawyer can win easily and it will cost you more than the price you get from the tabloid,” Jun said, although it did not sound so certain. He just wanted to share a part of this life he had hidden for a long time with someone. Anyone.

“Touché.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot to decide who is the suitable senpai for Jun's ex. After weighing around with different Johnny's and non-Johnny's older generations, I settled down with Higashiyama-san. He fits the cast.   
> Don't get me wrong. I love him, despite my knowledge of him is limited to when he comes over to Arashi TV shows. That's probably why I decided to cast him as the ex.
> 
> And yes, it was nearing Jun's birthday when I started writing this fiction. But let's just say, nobody realized that in the story. After all, Nino in this story is pretty much clueless of who Jun is. XDD


	4. The Broken Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun told Nino the story, why the cup ended up broken.

It was a TV show recording to promote a drama series. 

That was ten years ago when Jun finally got his first main cast in a drama series. Finally, after four years of playing as extras and then up to the supporting actor, and after the long wait and hard work, he got his leading part. It was a double-lead with another actor. His name was Higashiyama Noriyuki, a seasoned actor, singer, dancer. Higashiyama was seventeen years older than Jun. He even entered the entertainment industry before Jun was even born.

Higashiyama-senpai, as for how Jun always called him until they started going out together, was someone Jun really looked up to. He was a good actor, for sure, but Jun was attracted to him because of his no-nonsense and straightforward characteristics. Higashiyama was a very stoic person, perhaps many times as much as Jun was stoic. He was also very sociable and easily taking in his juniors under his wings.

Jun was so happy when he knew the got the role to star in the drama with Higashiyama. It was a mystery series about a junior detective, played by Jun, and a mystery enthusiast coffee shop owner, played by Higashiyama. The setting of the story was in a town where pottery was famous, and the final arc of the drama was about a murder in a pottery studio.

It was a TV show to promote their final episode, so they had been roughly working together for three months. Looking at Higashiyama closely during that span only increased Jun’s admiration to the older man. Jun himself was stoic. He would break his own limits and outperform himself, he was picky about the details for work, but he still saw that it was nothing compared to the older man.

As the master potter explained about how to use the wheel to throw the clay, Jun stole a glance at how Higashiyama’s hands followed the potter’s instruction, moving up and down his clay. Jun swallowed, blaming himself for having dirty thoughts in the middle of working. But he could not help it.

Higashiyama’s long fingers squeezed the clay slightly, extending the phallic shape, and put his finger on its top and push it down, repeating the movement again and again. And it couldn’t be helped that Jun was doing the same, his hands on the similarly phallic shape of wet clay, moving up and down, giving a squeeze to pull up and push down the clay on the turntable. Jun swallowed again.

“Keep the clay moist, or else you cannot give it a shape,” Hanishina-sensei said. The master was doing the same movement, but Jun found it normal and unappealing.

Jun stole another glance towards Higashiyama. He noticed the seasoned actor had nimble fingers. Their movements light, but certain. Squeezing. Pulling. Pushing. Squeezing.

Jun swallowed again. Then he realized that the actor’s eyes were on him. He jerked out of his reverie, only to lose control of his movements on the clay and it toppled down.

“Don’t mind about it,” said the master, “this type of clay can be reshaped easily.” He took Jun’s clay and kneaded it on the side table and returned after it became perfectly round again. He told Jun to repeat what he had done before.

This time it was easier because Higashiyama stopped working on his clay, and just watching Jun to get to the same stage of shaping the clay. An apprentice of the potter was attending to Sensei’s and Higashiyama’s clay to prevent it from drying.

“This reminds me of that scene in Ghost,” Higashiyama quipped at a point.

The sensei laughed, and also some of the staffs. Jun had no idea what to laugh about.

“Jun-kun doesn’t know, maybe,” Higashiyama said, “but there was this scene in this movie that is very famous.”

“Why don’t you show it?” The TV director asked.

“Can I?” Higashiyama asked back, but rather to the potter rather than to the staffs, and definitely not to Jun.

The old man stepped back from Jun’s turntable.

It surprised Jun when he felt Higashiyama pushed him a little to the front and sat behind Jun. The actor took Jun’s hand and pressed them to the spinning clay. He could feel Higashiyama’s breath on his neck and he felt like he stopped breathing.

Jun could not really remember what happened. He knew that Higashiyama was saying something slowly to his ears, but he could not process the words. He only felt the firm long fingers between his. Squeezing. Pulling. Pushing. Squeezing. And they were wet.

He felt his abdomen tightened.

Then all of a sudden the radiating warmth behind his back disappeared.

“Cut!” The director said.

“I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable,” Higashiyama said, giving a squeeze on Jun’s hands and the long fingers disappeared too.

“I don’t -” mind, Jun said. The last word was unspoken. He just watched at the other actor walking back to his turntable. Finally able to breathe.

The director praised Higashiyama for making the tapes more interesting for a variety show.

 

**

 

They went back to their hotel that night. Higashiyama invited Jun and their managers to have dinner in his room and ordered room service. It had been the norm, as Jun had heard from other talents and actors from the same management office.

The room service they had was very good. They had servings of local food, hoba leaves, hida beef, and local vegetables. Jun had heard that Higashiyama was royal when it comes to treating people food. And although they had almost been working for a drama together for three months, that was the first time Jun had dinner with Higashiyama without the rest of the cast. And it did not take long before their managers took leave from the room, leaving the two actors alone in the room.

Higashiyama looked at the door until he was sure that the managers were out the room. Then he turned his eyes to Jun.

Jun ducked his face, unable to bear the piercing eyes of his senior. He was too conscious of the fact that they were alone in a closed room.

“About this afternoon,” Higashiyama started, always straightforward and not beating around the bush, “if you feel uncomfortable, you should speak up.”

Jun swallowed. “It’s not that, I mean, I don’t really mind … but …” He paused, arranging his thoughts. Then he took a deep breath and exhaled, and he looked up, daring himself to look at his senior. “I don’t mind you within close proximity. But maybe not in front of …” His voice wavered, “that… many… people, I mean.”

Jun turned his face away from Higashiyama, cursing himself a little for saying something that sounds like he had intents. “This sounds so wrong, but I….” He really did not mind if they were alone, and he was willing.

He remembered those wet fingers working on clay.

“Look here.”

Jun felt those fingers on his chin now, pulling it up so he became face to face with Higashiyama again.

“I don’t mind either.”

Their distance came to zero.

 

**

 

And it just happened. Jun would go to Higashiyama’s place from time to time. At the beginning, it was only if the older actor asked him to, but slowly Jun found the courage to ask too.

They never told public that they were an item. Jun understood as much as the entertainment business was more open to a homosexual relationship, the public still expected more of a relationship between a man and a woman. It could not help either that both of them had more female fans than male.

On their first anniversary, they exchanged the mug they made at Hanishina Kiln. Jun was the one who gave the idea, to memorize their first. In the end, both cups ended at Higashiyama’s place. Jun would have warm feeling bubbling up his chest whenever he came to visit and saw the cup standing by the sink.

People saw them as close friends. That Higashiyama was a senior actor who cared for his junior.

Jun told nobody about what happened when they were alone. It did not always end up with them pressed against each other. Sometimes they would passionately talk about acting and movie making until the morning light. Sometimes they would talk about other things that were mundane, latest fashion, household appliance, or food. Sometimes they fought, about how they think they should approach a character, about who forgot to take the hair from the bathtub, or about who forgot to put the cold beer can on the coaster that it left marks on the wooden table.

Despite being strict and perfectionist as a person, Higashiyama was a kind and gentle as a lover. Jun liked that.

Jun had similar outward personality, being strict to himself and expected others to do the same. But Jun was all mushy inside, in his private times, out from work. He had a penchant for fluffy things like mascot character, small animals, and children. And beyond the steady and dependable Jun during work, was always someone who worried so much in private. Higashiyama’s calm and collected behavior gave him something to anchor himself when he was overwhelmed with his own thought.

It was only natural that Jun thought they were real. They did not live together, as both appreciated each other’s privacy. And although they had each other’s house key, they still respected that. Each of them would make sure to call before hand and made sure the schedule was open. And this relationship, whatever it was, because Jun did not dare to ask his senior to define it, lasted for years.

They kept the senior actor - junior actor relationship to the whole world, showing the role as a senior actor who nurtured and a younger one seeking for advice, so they could talk freely to everyone that they visit each other and go out together. Fans shipped them, and the managements did not stop them.

Everything seemed to go so well. Of course, they fought. Sometimes out of jealousy when one of them start to hang out with someone they acted with.

They never promised of being exclusive, but both would tell each other if they had flings or if they had one night stands.

Jun got seriously jealous once when Higashiyama was caught by a tabloid having dinner with an actress he was playing with, sometimes five years in their relationship. If it was someone acting as Higashiyama’s lover in the drama he was playing, Jun usually put it aside, choosing to perceive it as a way for promoting the drama. But it was not, and Jun was even madder because he learned about it from a gossip tabloid.

They had a fight that lasted for weeks. But in the end, Jun forgave Higashiyama. The senior actor did try to ensure that he was staying true to Jun, and Jun admitted that he missed the comfortable calmness that the older man gave. That night Jun opened up his door to Higashiyama and finally let him in. Higashiyama brought their cups and put them side by side.

“This way I will visit you more often,” the older actor said.

 

**

 

Jun frowned at the memory.

Higashiyama did visit him more often. Whenever both Jun and he had time off, he would ask if he could come and visit. Jun still come to visit Higashiyama’s place sometimes. But it was less than how it used to be.

Two years, Jun let himself be fooled. Until one day Higashiyama came to his place and dropped the bomb.

“I’m getting married,” he said after the usual dinner that Jun had prepared before. And they had some beer at the dining table.

“You’re getting married?” Jun asked back, not believing what he just heard.

“Yes, I said, I’m getting married. I have talked to the agency and they said alright. I’m at the good age for marriage.”

Jun’s hand twitched, gripping his glass a little too tight, trying to control himself so he did not snap on the older actor.

“And you did not tell this to me before you go to the agency?” He asked, arching an eyebrow, staring straight back at his lover.

“We always need to tell the agency first, Jun,” Higashiyama said coolly.

“Noriyuki-san,” Jun continued, but the words hanging on his lips, “Why you didn’t tell me first?” He wanted to ask. Having permission from the agency meaning this had been on for at least several days.

“She’s pregnant.”

Jun slammed his glass on the table.

“Are you angry?” Higashiyama asked.

Jun huffed, “Do I not have the right to?”

Higashiyama turned his beer nervously. “Look,” he said after a pause, “this does not have to end. She knows about you. She always has. And you love children. You’ll fit the role of that crazy uncle who dotes them.”

Jun looked up from his glass and stared in disbelief into Higashiyama’s eyes. The older actor was often too full of himself if it’s a negative way of saying having high self-esteem. It was something that made Jun  be attracted, for sure. But this time, it was too much. Jun himself had a high pride.

He knew they never made a commitment to be loyal to each other, but they constantly coming back to each other like it was meant to be. It was a fragile balance that Jun had accepted from the older man. He just never thought he would be number two in the end. Her knowing about him and not the other way around. For Jun who put honesty above anything in a relationship, he couldn’t let it pass. And the fact that this time it was a matrimony, a legal declaration of relationship, fueled the anger inside Jun.

“What does not need to end?” Jun asked inquiringly, although he knew already what Higashiyama was talking about.

“You and I. She doesn’t mind.”

“But I do,” Jun made a point, frowning at the man before him. His voice louder and higher than how he wanted it to be.

Higashiyama sighed. “Fine then,” he stood up. Then he walked to the cabinet, taking the pottery he made the day they first kissed. “I’m leaving.” He looked back at Jun who just stared at him in disbelieve, “I’m not the one who’s going to regret this.” And then he walked away, saying he’d take his other things when Jun was not at home.

It took Jun a while to realize that the person he had loved so much chose to leave for good.

“Bastard!!” He yelled at the emptiness of his house. His hand grabbed the cup that Higashiyama used to drink water and threw it at the door where the older actor just disappeared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally likes Noriyuki here, despite the ending of the relationship with Jun. Please bear in mind that this happened around the end of 2012, when same-sex marriage was not yet acknowledged in Japan, despite allowing the citizens to marry in countries where same-sex marriage is legal since 2009. Acknowledgement of same-sex marriage is only after 2015 in Shibuya-ku, where when they can proof their partnership (eg. using legal papers from countries allowing same-sex marriage), can get their rights as acknowledged couples. 
> 
> Noriyuki might sound like a jerk, but it is just because this was told in Jun's perspective. He has his reasons, I am sure. Unfortunately, I have no interest in exploring Noriyuki's perspective for the time being, so I leave it to your imagination.


	5. Filling the Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a piece missing from the cup.

“You’re missing a piece,” the potter pointed at Jun’s work. Jun was still putting the pieces together with small cuts of masking tape when Nino came back with the tools and materials needed for kintsugi.

Jun looked at his unfinished work, a little puzzled. He almost finished it. He told his story as he built it back again, and it actually surprised him that he felt calm now although he just revisited his break up. Rebuilding the cup felt like he was putting his pieces together.

“Well, it can be two pieces, or three, or many, depending on the size,” Nino gave a gummy grin, “but those, Matsumoto-san, will not form a complete cup.”

“Just ‘Jun’ is fine, or at least just ‘Matsumoto’. I’m younger than you,” Jun suddenly said. He hurriedly continued, “You are my sensei anyway.”

At that, Nino laughed awkwardly and hid his face as it turned a little red. Jun took a note that the potter got embarrassed easily.

“Anyway,” he said hurriedly as his laugh died down, “it will have a hole.” He paused, “I have unused potteries you can use to fill it in….”

Jun looked up. Nino looked thoughtful.

“Sensei?”

“The gap,” Nino said then, “would you like to keep it open? Or will you let me offer something to fill it?”

There was a flicker in Nino’s eyes that Jun could not quite grasp.

At that moment the door to the workshop opened and Sho entered with a bundle of prints. “Nino, Okada-san just sent the draft for the catalogue.”

He handed a printout to Nino.

“Thanks. Can you leave it here? I’ll check a little later when he’s finished with that,” Nino pointed at Jun’s work.

“Sure,” Sho said, realizing that he was interrupting, “but we need your approval, or critics, if you still have it, as soon as possible. We need to have them printed in two days.”

Nino nodded. He watched Sho leaving the room.

After listening to Jun’s story about his separation with his lover, he just couldn’t help it. He used to like Sho more than as a friend. In fact, he dared himself talking to Sho at the beginning when he saw him at the tableware shop because he was attracted to him. And Sho had proven to be someone worth to be together, if only he ever accepted to have a relationship with a man.

It was a good thing that Sho did not really leave after Nino confessed. It did make them estranged for a while, with Sho leaving Nino’s house and rent an apartment downtown. But with work that obliged them to meet, their friendship won over the awkwardness, and somehow Sho returned to live in Nino’s house.

But Sho was going to get married soon, with this girl he had liked since high school, and just met again in a reunion. Sho would leave the house for real. Soon.

Even if Nino have been able to keep his feelings to Sho at bay, there were occasions where it just resurfaced without notice. And he would start yearning on Sho. The wants that would never be answered still made his chest tight from time to time.

Jun watched as Nino stared at the door for some while even after Sho disappeared behind the door. The realization made him smile unconsciously.

When Nino realized that Jun had stared at him, he laughed a little awkwardly. “So, uh, I think it’s better to fill it with a different piece. I mean, it’s easier for you.” He cleared his throat and looked at anywhere but Jun.

“If you say so.”

Nino led Jun to a storage room where shelves of potteries were kept. “These are actually where I keep the things I made if I want to try something. I think I have something that is similar to your cup. Let me find it.” He trailed along the shelves to find the cup that he meant.

Jun looked around the room, taking in different shapes of tablewares and pots kept in the room. “Wait, do you mean you are going to break one of these to fit into my cup?”

Nino looked up from where he ducked. “They served their purpose already.” He looked down again and tried to search for the cup he meant.

The potteries in that room were mostly bright and colorful, especially the ones on the upper shelves. Some had geometric patterns, some had colors that melted into one another, and some had only one color. One cup caught Jun’s attention. It had bright yellow glazing that reminded Jun of fresh lemon zest. He took the cup in his hand and loved the feel of uneven coating. It would look daring to match that with Jun’s rough, unglazed cup.

“Do you want that one instead?” Nino asked. He had the cup he meant to use in his hand, one with dark earthen color like Jun’s.

“It just caught my eyes,” Jun said, hurrying to return the cup to its place. “It feels … summer.”

Nino looked at the cup in his hand and then at Jun. Then he put down the cup in his hand and reached for the lemon color cup. “We can add summer to your cup then.” He grinned.

“Wait!” Jun stopped Nino. “You’re going to break that?”

“Yes. Why?”

“It’s too good to break.”

“All of my works are too good to break,” Nino gave a teasing wink, “but if breaking it can make something else better, then why not?” He pushed Jun out of the storage and back to the working table.

“Finish that first. I’ll get Kanaty to bring us some drinks.” And with that, the potter left Jun alone.

Jun only realized that Nino did not lie when he finished putting all the pieces together. There was a gap left unfilled on the cup. The gap was small, only about the size of the nail of his thumb, but Jun could not imagine if he had enough patience and soft motoric skills to fill it with paste.

The apprentice came instead of Nino, carrying a jug of water with cut fruits inside, something that Jun’s manager often prepared for him.

“Aiba-sama suggested to serve this instead of iced tea,” he said as he put the tray on one side of the table. There were some traditional sweets at the side, monaka and daifuku. “Have some rest, Ninomiya-sensei will come back soon. He is in a meeting with Sakurai-san.”

Kanata was about to leave when Jun stopped him.

“The potteries in that storage,” Jun pointed, “what are those?”

Kanata followed Jun’s finger. “It’s where sensei keeps his experiments. He likes to try new techniques.”

“Oh….”

The apprentice took the yellow cup from the table. “Is he letting you use this one to fill that?” He gestured at Jun’s work on the table.

Jun gave a nod and Kanata smirked.

“Your cup surely made him fall.” With that, the apprentice bowed and said, “I’ll tell sensei that you have finished.”

 

**

 

When Nino returned, he helped Jun prepare the paste to put the pieces together and gave an example of how to do it correctly. When Jun seemed comfortable with the job, he took the yellow cup that Jun chose and broke it on the table, then searching among the pieces until he found one that he could use. Then he used filer to shape it into the gap in Jun’s earthenware.

Jun grimaced when he saw Nino broke the cup. He knew he paid a very expensive amount for the private workshop when he could simply buy the materials needed online and search the internet how to do it. There might even be a cheaper place to learn how to do the kintsugi technique. But he had the particularity of asking Ninomiya-sensei after being moved by the potter’s masterpiece, whom later he found out as the current owner of Hanishina Kiln where the cup he wanted to mend was made. However, Kanata’s words made him wonder if he had received a special privilege from Nino.

“This should do,” Nino suddenly said, standing from where he sat and filed the ceramic piece. He walked to where Jun was putting together the broken pieces with lacquer and put the piece in front of the actor.

“Try to see if it fits,” he said and then he grabbed a seat and sat across Jun.

“Thank you.” Jun smiled and he caught Nino smiling back too.

“You’re slow.”

Jun could only give a bitter laugh when he heard Nino said that. He was not good with such detailed work because of his perfectionism. He would scrap everything very carefully if the paste bled out of the gap and always made sure that when he add one piece, the rest were not disturbed.

“But you’re doing it well,” Nino said again. He picked one piece of Jun’s cup and toyed with it, letting Jun working in silence.

The yellow piece that Nino prepared fitted perfectly when Jun put it into his cup. The actor extended his work to the potter while grinning smugly. “Finished!” He exclaimed.

Nino took the cup that Jun put together and examined it carefully. They were a little uneven and Jun put the paste a little sloppy and it smudged a little.

“Good,” Nino said, “Now we need to wait until it dries.” He looked up and met Jun’s eyes, “You’ll be back in a few days, right?”

“Three days from now.”

Nino nodded. “This will wait. What do you want to use, gold, silver, or bronze?”

“Silver, I guess. It will push out the yellow part.”

Nino gave a lazy grin in return. “I’ll prepare silver for you then.”

Jun nodded. “if you please.”

They stayed locking their eyes for a short while until Nino looked away, rubbing his hands on his face, blinking profusely. Something in the way Jun told his devotion to his ex-boyfriend and the way he failed to move on triggered something within the potter, but he was also afraid that whatever it is he felt might not be returned. Jun was not only famous, he was popular too. He did not even hide the fact that he had slept with someone else even if he had been committed emotionally to Higashiyama.

He was saved by Aiba coming into the workshop.

“Jun-kun, we need to go in half an hour. Are you finished?”

“We’re done here,” Nino said.

Jun took off his apron, folded it carefully and put it on the table. “Thank you very much for your guidance today,” he bowed.

Nino hurried to stand and replied with a bow, saying that it was a pleasure for him to help to mend such a meaningful cup.

“I’ll keep this in the drier and I’ll see you out,” Nino said and left with the cup.

Later, when Jun’s car was leaving Hanishina Kiln with the three occupants bowing at them, Aiba asked Jun if mending the cup had served its purpose.

“It does, Masaki,” Jun said as he leaned back against the seat, “It does.”

 

**

 

Two days after, Sho caught Nino staring at the cup when he took it out from the drier. He was going to prepare for Jun’s visit the next day.

“It’s beautiful,” Nino said, and by beautiful, Sho understood that he did not mean its craftsmanship, but the emotions embedded inside the cup.

“I think Matsumoto-san’s ex actually loved him this much.” He showed signs of wear from use at the base of the cup.

“That or he just loved the cup,” Sho said.

Nino smiled vaguely. “You’re always the cold quantitative bastard.”

“That helps your bank balance.”

The potter sighed. “Thank you,” he said, then added hurriedly, “I mean, for everything.”

Sho ducked a little to make his eyes level to Nino’s. “I told you already that I am doing this because I like it.”

Nino chuckled, “Not just that, Sho-chan.” He seemed like he was going to say something but instead broke their eye contact and took the cup to the working table.

Sho knew well what Nino was going to say but not daring to. Nino wanted to say he was glad that Sho returned to his house in the end, after the awkward phase following Nino’s confession. He, however, decided not to pursue. Instead, he just said, “I’ll be helping Kanata with packaging. Don’t forget to bring a suit and a kimono.”

“I have the kimono from Saito-sensei packed already.”

Sho nodded in approval. He had no idea which one of Nino’s kimono collection was from Saito-sensei but knew that the contemporary design that was the trademark of the kimono maker would fit for Nino’s designs. “Great. We have to leave early the day after tomorrow. They will take our potteries in an hour. Do you have luggage you want to send along to the airport?”

“I travel light, unlike you.” Nino chuckled.

“Okay then.”

Just before he left, he put his hand on Nino’s shoulder, “I’m happy, and I hope you can be happy too.”

Nino nodded again, hands grabbing Jun’s cup and pretended to scrutinize it until Sho left the workshop.

Possessiveness is an ugly thing. It’s jagged and sharp on the edges. Even if you cover them with the pretense of love, it still hurts. The rough surface of Jun’s cup seemed to approve his thought.

He searched the web out of curiosity, after Jun left, about Higashiyama Noriyuki. There was a picture of him and his actress wife with a small child in her hands. They looked happy. He wondered if Higashiyama still loved Jun despite the family. And he felt a little jealous.

Jealousy is also an ugly thing. Nino reprimanded himself and started preparing for Jun’s session.

 

**

 

Jun and Aiba came a little late the next morning. They brought nama yatsuhashi, saying they just had a movie shooting in Kyoto the other day.

Sho was the one looking the happiest among the residents of Hanishina Kiln. Neither Kanata nor Nino had interests in food as much as Sho. The manager happily telling the rest that he would prepare some tea for the potters and Jun later.

Aiba followed him to the kitchen to catch up on manager-thing with Sho. They somehow became closer as friends compared to Jun’s last visit and Sho had even promised he’d meet Aiba as soon as he returned from Italy.

“Shall we start?” Nino asked Jun.

He led the actor to the workshop, greeting Kanata who was working on the wheel there. He was working for the annual young potters competition, hoping to finally win first prize.

The apprentice did not even reply, concentrating on the piece of earth between his hands.

Somehow Jun wondered how would Nino look like when he created the potteries. Would he be frowning like the way Kanata did, concentrating fully on making ideas to life?

“It has dried perfectly,” Nino said, breaking Jun’s train of thought.

He handed the same apron that Jun wore on his last visit and a small piece of soft sandpaper. He also had a piece in his hand, and he showed Jun how to clean the dried paste that bled out of the cracks. “When you have cleaned it up, we can put silver and lacquer on it.”

Jun took over the work, carefully sanding the cup. He sat at the long table while Nino sitting a little away, sketching design.

“I heard you’re leaving for Italy tomorrow,” Jun opened up a conversation.

Nino answered with a humm. “There’s a ceramic convention in Florence,” Nino said, “they’re famous for their potteries. Have you heard of majolica?”

“No. I’m not so familiar with those.”

Nino gladly explained what he knew about majolica, the thin glazed ceramics known from the Mediterranean area. He also explained the difference between techniques used in coloring.

“But one needs high painting or drawing ability in high details to make those. I’m not good in drawing,” Nino said in the end. Then he blushed a little. “Did I bore you?”

“No, not at all,” Jun said. He enjoyed the way Nino’s eyes twinkled and the way he moved his hands as he told the tales of how Chinese pottery evolved into European pottery through the hands of the Turks, Moors, Spanish, and ended in Tuscan. There were a lot of details that failed to enter his brain, but he did not mind.

“By the way,” Nino said, “Sho made me watch one of your movies.”

“Oh? Which one?”

“The one you fell in love with a cat,” Nino smiled sheepishly, “I don’t remember the title. I’m sorry.”

Jun chuckled lightly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“So?” Jun arched an eyebrow, “Did you like it?”

“I’m not much of a romantic movie fan.”

Jun wondered if it was a polite way to say that Nino did not enjoy the movie much.

“Too bad, most of my movies are,” Jun said, keeping a smile although he felt a little disappointed. “What do you watch? I mean, genre.”

“I don’t really watch movies. If I’m not working, then I will be playing games,” Nino blushed a little. He chuckled, “Not very… 'traditional’ nor artsy, I know. But it’s more intriguing and mind challenging than passively waiting for stories to unfold.”

Then Nino hurriedly continued, “Not that I say watching movie is a waste of time, uh, I mean… It’s just not for me.”

If this were Jun ten years ago, Jun knew he would take it personally and get upset. But Jun now only laughed seeing the way Nino tried to soften up what he was saying. It actually made his heart swell, seeing Nino’s blatant honesty, something people hardly ever said in front of him, now that he had become a reputable actor.

“I understand,” Jun said lightly. He waved his hand to show that he meant it. “You know, I can’t even remember when was the last time I watch a movie to entertain myself.”

“Really?” Nino’s eyes widened.

Jun hummed. “It’s more learning for me. Expressions, directing, angles. I guess I watch those more than the story whenever I watch a movie.” He laughed a little, “so I can’t really say I enjoy watching movies. At least not the way most people do... Oh, but please make this off the record.”

Nino gave a gummy grin. “Your secret is safe with me.” He extended his pinky to Jun.

Jun was amused but linked his pinky with Nino who started singing lightly, “Finger cut-off, ten thousand fist-punchings, whoever lies has to swallow a thousand needles.”

“You have a nice voice,” Jun said after and Nino hid his grin, lowering his head to draw plate design.

 

**

 

Jun had to leave as soon as he finished putting silver dust and lacquer on his cup. He still had to come back later when the cup had dried completely. It was now standing inside the drying room which the apprentice promised would take care of while Nino and Sho leaving for Europe.

Jun never thought that being a potter included having to go to the convention and gave speech or share knowledge. But he guessed it might be because Nino was used to it, having been a graduate student once.

Sho and Aiba ensured that they would arrange a schedule to pick up the cup. Both of them declined the idea when Nino offered to send the cup by post, with Aiba saying it was only polite to come in person, something which Jun agreed on.

Nino realized he felt relaxed knowing that it was not the last time seeing Jun. It surprised him a little.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only learned about how to do kintsugi from watching youtube videos. Anything pottery-related that you find wrong in this fiction is due to my insufficient research. 
> 
> Does anyone here like potter Nino? I keep on thinking, a what-if version of Kagura Ryuhei if his father did not commit suicide, and if Wakui Takuro would become a famous potter in the end. 
> 
> The song Nino sang was Yubi Kiri, a nursery rhyme.


	6. Momentum and Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When gravity pulls us together, it's the momentum that we fear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and I have no knowledge of pottery aside from what I found in the internet.

Nino was not the type who would buy souvenirs for people during trips. He usually left that part of traveling to his manager, Sho, who always had a long list with names of working partners, people in the association, loyal customers, magazine editors, gallery owners, and whoever else names that Nino knew but not remember to get things for. Nino felt it was too troublesome to think of what fitted for whom. He was the type who would buy chocolates or a pack of keychains at the airport before leaving. But he could not stop himself from buying a pendant that is currently wrapped in a tiny box, sitting on the table as he and Sho had their lunch on a balcony of a restaurant under the blue Tuscan sky.

The pendant was a round piece of ceramic, just the size of five hundred yen coin, fitted into a gold circlet. It had intricate Arabesque pattern laid in gold on top of royal purple color. It was painstakingly detailed and painstakingly expensive. The pendant had no chain attached, but Nino thought it would fit leather string more than a golden chain.

Nino did not like buying expensive things, much less for non-practical things like accessories, but he bought it anyway when he and Sho were out walking downtown. Sho insisted that they had some touristic activity, so he dragged Nino out from the hotel. Sho thought it would be such a shame for Nino that they had an extra day but not doing any touristic activity.

He saw it at a local accessory artisan when Sho was looking for something to give to his fiancée. It reminded him of Jun and bought it on a whim.

Sho did not comment then, but he raised his eyebrows in question when he saw Nino doing the purchase instead of him. Nino just glared and silently told his manager to mind his own business.

“I never knew you have an interest in accessories,” Sho gestured at the small box, finally unable to curb his curiosity.

Contrary to Nino, he had several bags sitting on the chair beside him. They were filled with local olive oil bottles, jams, and honey, souvenirs for people in the pottery business that they met regularly, and a bag filled with Sho’s personal souvenirs.

Nino tried to look disinterested. “I like the design,” he said nonchalantly. “Have you got all the souvenirs?” He asked as he took his coffee cup to his lips. They had finished their lunch and now enjoying their cups of coffee for dessert.

Sho grinned. He loved traveling and shopping for souvenirs. He would even make documentary videos to share with his fiancée’s family, Kanata, and Ohno. It was a wonder that Sho’s fiancée could watch the whole documentary without falling asleep, she always had comments and questions for Sho along the video screenings. Kanata and Ohno would fall asleep before halfway through. Nino would sleep too if Sho were not narrating the video with bright passionate eyes. Nino loved watching Sho. It was the only part that made Nino able to stay watching the videos.

“I still cannot find anything that is Aiba-like,” Sho said, “We promised that we’d have a drink together when we stay overnight in Tokyo when we come back and I promised him a souvenir. What do you think?”

“I think he’d be happy with anything. He seems like a nice and simple person. T-shirt or a cap? Or maybe sandals? Ah, but it’s coming to autumn. A t-shirt would be better, don’t you think?”

Sho nodded, “I thought so. But because he's so nice, I’m confused about what to give.” He laughed. “I got something for Jun-kun already, but not yet for Aiba.”

“Since when you’re on first name basis with Jun?” Nino asked. While he was used to Sho mentioning Aiba’s name without honorifics at home, it was the first time he heard Sho mentioning the actor by his first name.

“He signs his e-mails that way.”

“Is that so?” Nino looked away, trying to hide jealousy that started bubbling inside him.

He did not even know Jun’s contact. All the communication about schedule were done by Sho and Aiba. Nino never received a carbon copy because he did not like having too many e-mails that were not his to concern. But Sho knowing Jun’s mail was something new.

“He’s always CC’d during our conversation, and he tells us if he has something in his private time so the schedule doesn’t clash,” Sho explained. Having known Nino for years made him almost able to guess what the potter was thinking. “I can include you in the conversation.”

Nino’s eyes darted back to Sho. He said nothing and simply nodded.

“Why didn’t you just ask him his contact?” Sho asked. He sighed. “Look, Nino, he definitely is interested in men.”

When Nino’s eyes widened to warn Sho not to continue the conversation, the manager kept talking instead.

“Aiba told me the other day.”

“And?”

“And I told him that you like men too. He asked.”

Nino put down his cup a little too hard. A drop of coffee spilled into the saucer. He stared at Sho with wide eyes. “You both are not talking about this with Jun receiving CC, right?”

Sho laughed. “Of course not. Aiba LINE’d me. We both clearly separate friend talk and business talk.”

Nino sighed with relief. "Just don’t play cupid again this time,” Nino warned then, although his words lack the usual determination.

This was not the first time Sho played matchmaking. Ever since Sho came back living at Nino’s place following their shortly severed relation, Sho seemed to try making up for not being able to answer Nino’s romantic interest. He did so by trying to bring people into Nino’s life. None of the relationships stayed longer than several months with most reason for break up would be Nino not giving enough time for the partner. That, or they demanded Sho out of Nino’s life. It was not that Nino hated it, but he just wanted Sho to get over the incidence.

Sho just smiled softly. “Nino, do you mind me telling Aiba? I always thought you came out already.” And when Nino shook his head, Sho leaned back and crossed his hand, “I can bet Jun is interested in you too. Aiba thinks the same. Go for it.”

Nino resigned. “I’ll think about it.” His hand reaching the small box and rolled it around on the table.

The manager’s smile broke into a wide grin. “You are already thinking about it.”

“Shut up and just pay the bill already. You still have some more shopping.”

 

**

 

“I’m meeting Sho-san,” Aiba said as he drove away from the TV station. Jun was sitting in the backseat, almost falling asleep as he had been on standby since five-thirty in the morning, meaning he had entered the station even earlier.

Jun had wrapped up just the day before, but he already had worked for promoting another movie that was going to be released within a month. It had been quite a crazy schedule for him lately.

Despite the sleepiness that lingered, Jun rose himself and leaned on Aiba’s seat.

“Now?”

“After I drive you home. I’m sure you want to sleep,” Aiba said.

“Can I join?”

It was not rare that Jun neglected necessary rest for a drink. But the dark circles under Jun’s eyes were looking rather stark now that they were not covered with make-up. The shooting the other day had been quite intense because they pushed back all action scenes so if something happened, the filming would not have to wait for shooting the other scenes.

“You only had three hours of sleep last night,” Aiba said, “As your manager, I advise you to go home. And because I want to drink tonight, I cannot drive you home.”

“I can take a cab home.”

Aiba rolled his eyes. “If you ever remember going home when you’re out drinking. The last time you joined me drinking had you foregoing sleep and you passed out after a photo shoot.” He stole a glance from the rear view mirror. “I’m your manager, Jun. Your health is your most important asset. You’re not coming.”

“Then you shouldn't have told me that you’re meeting Sho-san.” Jun pouted, blaming Aiba instead. Despite the actor being a stoic and professional adult, he would let out his childish side to a select few people, and Aiba happened to be one of them.

“Sorry, sorry,” Aiba said it lightly although he meant it, as the word is almost his catchphrase. “I’m just too excited to meet him. And Ninomiya-sensei might join too, Sho said. You know I haven’t really talked to him, despite going to his place twice already.”

“I’m joining you,” Jun said with determination, “I’ll go after one beer. I promise.” He looked at his watch and said, “It’s only 8 pm. I’m not going to sleep yet even if I got home.”

Aiba sighed in resignation. “One drink and you go home, OK?” he said, despite the slight fear that one of these days he would be fired from neglecting his talent’s health. 

A while later the manager asked, “Jun, are you seriously pursuing Ninomiya-sensei? Because if you are, there will be a lot to consider.”

When Jun and Higashiyama broke up, Jun went around dating with a lot of people. It got to a point that it became a rumor in tabloid how Jun took home people; actors, actresses, musicians, idols, models, gravure idols. Most were in it for one night stand, a small number became steady dates for a few weeks, but none of them really stayed. There were never pictures, but it had made Aiba and people in the management office to give him the warning to put it down, less known to the public, laying low. Jun complied to laying low, but he still slept around. It was only lately that Jun calmed down.

In a way, Aiba understood. He had started being Jun’s manager about a year before Jun’s break up. He had not realized that Jun and Higashiyama were a couple until the time they broke up. They played the senior-junior relationship too well, both being good actors. But when they broke up, Aiba noticed the change in Jun the same time Higashiyama suddenly went missing from Jun’s life and the way his eyes looked sad and angry at the same time when once Aiba asked why he had not been seeing Higashiyama at Jun’s place. He also realized some things, which later Aiba guessed as Higashiyama's things, went missing from Jun’s apartment. Aiba drew a line that connected one occasion to another and soon understood. Jun only confessed to Aiba when the manager cornered him to stop playing around months later.

Jun exhaled and dropped his back against the seat. “Are you asking this out of respect between managers?”

“No. But I get it that Sho-san loves Ninomiya-sensei enough to care about it.”

“When he’s the one not caring how Nino feels about him?” Jun still remembered that time, how the potter looked at Sho, how the eyes looked forlorn when looking at Sho retreating from the workshop.

Aiba sighed again. “Not everyone is ready for same-sex relationship, Jun. And Sho-san is engaged now.”

Jun rolled his eyes. Knowing Sho chose a woman over Nino made him irked. It’s just unfair that as a man he was not given a chance at all. It just reminded him of Higashiyama and how he chose a woman over him. A marriage over him. Ability to have children to him. 

“And Ninomiya-sensei is not from the entertainment business. An artisan is still a common person, Jun. He doesn’t deal with paparazzi and tabloids.”

“Jun,” Aiba called when Jun showed no sign to reply back, “hey, you can join us. But just one drink, and then I’ll call a cab for you.” Aiba said. “And remember, Sho-san is not Higashiyama-san.”

 

**

 

They met in a small establishment, an izakaya that only served five to six people at the counter. Aiba booked the whole place. Jun later realized the reason as Toma, another actor who was also from the same agency, appeared. Aiba was Toma’s manager before they started dating and the boss reassigned Aiba to Jun, ensuring professionalism over a personal relationship.

“I didn't expect you here,” Toma said as Aiba left the place to pick up Sho and Nino from the station, “Masaki said you’ve been so busy that you didn't even have time to sleep.”

“I’m quite indebted to Sho-san,” Jun said.

Toma hummed. He perhaps had heard something from Aiba.

“Masaki told me that it was hell to arrange your schedule.” He laughed, “and I was really tempted to ask for a payment from you because you’re taking Masaki’s day off too.” He faked a pout. “But Masaki is too nice of a person, so I left it off.”

Before Jun could say anything, Aiba came with Sho and Nino in tow.

“Thank you for waiting,” Aiba said. He then introduced the other two to Toma and to the old man who ran the izakaya.

Jun sat at the innermost of the shop, followed by Toma and then Aiba. Sho sat next to Aiba and Nino sat nearest to the door. It made Jun disappointed that he sat so far from Nino that he could not talk to the potter. The shop owner served them yakitori and sashimi which Toma had ordered before and beer. Nino ordered lemon sour.

Sho, Aiba, and Toma led the conversation. Sho talked in detail about the trip, what kind of food they ate and which tourist places they went to. Nino added a little about the ceramic convention, he seemed to hold himself not to talk too much about pottery, perhaps caring not to bore the others.

Not being able to join conversation much, being seated furthest, Jun spent most of his time looking at Nino. Jun noticed that Nino did not touch the sashimi, opting to eat only tsukune and negima from the yakitori plate. Jun couldn’t help smiling at Nino’s childlike choice of food. He also realized how much he enjoyed looking at Nino’s jaw line. He looked alluring without even trying. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt with Smurf drawing on it and a black knitted cardigan over blue jeans and sneakers, which Toma commented as betraying his image as a traditional artisan.

Jun knew he wanted Nino and he noticed that Nino sometimes stole a glance at him too.

It was about ten when Aiba suddenly asked Jun to go home. “You promised to go home after one drink.”

Jun really wanted to stay but knew well that he was already tired and he had to work in the morning. Of course, Aiba would need to get up earlier, but he would be able to take a rest while Jun had to look fresh in front of the camera to promote the movie.

“I’m leaving too,” Nino suddenly rose himself as Jun told the shop owner that the food was great.

“Why so early?” Toma asked, already enjoying conversation with Nino.

“It’s been a long flight. I’m really tired.”

“I’ll go too.” Sho rose from his seat, but Nino pushed him back.

“You still want to talk to Aiba-san and Ikuta-san, right? Just stay,” Nino said firmly. “Pay my part for me, will you?”

Sho laughed and let Nino go out the shop with Jun.

“So,” Jun asked as they both were out from the shop, “where are you staying?”

“Akasaka.”

“I’ll get a cab, you can join me.”

Nino just nodded.

 

**

 

“You live away in the opposite direction, right?” Nino asked after a moment of quiet inside the taxi.

Jun looked sideways toward Nino and just nodded.

“Why offering me to join the cab?”

“I just thought I’d like to talk more with you.”

“Yet you haven’t said anything,” Nino’s voice was low. His eyes drooping a little, and he really looked tired.

“You look like you need a nap.”

“Tell that to yourself.” Despite the voice, the tone was still sharp.

Jun chuckled. “I know.”

They looked at each other, each realizing the attraction, yet nobody moved.

Nino cleared his throat and broke the stare, looking instead outside the window. “Kanata told me your cup had dried perfectly. You can collect it anytime.”

“Thank you. I’ll be going as soon as the film promotion is finished.”

“Sure.”

There was a stretch of silence between them before the driver suddenly announced that they had arrived at Nino’s hotel, a capsule hotel that looked cozy to stay in.

“I’ll see you then?” Jun asked.

“Yeah. See you.” Nino stepped out of the taxi. “Good night, Jun.”

“Good night,” Jun replied. He was a little disappointed that he did not get anything out of the ride, but he kept his face controlled. It was strange for him that Aiba’s warning stayed in his head and prevented him from moving further.

Just as the driver clicked the button to close the door, Nino held it open.

“Sorry,” he said to the driver, “I forgot to give this.” He put his hand into his pocket and just before Jun could say that Nino did not have to pay the ride, he was presented with a small box.

“This reminds me of you, so I bought it. A little souvenir from Italy. I hope you like it.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s really good to see you as soon as I arrived in Japan,” Nino said, pausing a little as if waiting for Jun to say something.

If Jun did not remember his conversation with Aiba earlier, he would have given into the gravity and pulled Nino back into the cab and brought him to his apartment in Nakameguro. But instead he just said his thanks and that he was also happy to be able to meet Nino.

Then the driver closed the door and took him away.

 

**

 

Jun came over to pick the cup, but Nino was out having a meeting at the potters guild. It was such a shame.

Sho was the one who handed the cup, saying that he himself was surprised when Nino announced that he had to leave the workshop for the day with Kanata for a meeting with local artisans.

“I told him you’re coming, but he didn’t say anything about the meeting.” Sho sighed, “But Nino is forgetful when it comes to schedule. He’s totally useless when he has something in his mind. He’s going to join the international ceramic competition, so he’s been immersed with designing. Can’t be helped.”

Sho smiled as he extended Jun a box. “Nino must be happy that you like his gift.” He indicated at Jun’s neck. The pendant was hanging there, partly hidden under Jun’s t-shirt.

Jun unconsciously touched the pendant, a habit he started off lately. “It’s really beautiful. I like it.”

He opened the box and pulled out the cup from inside. The yellow ceramic piece caught his eyes. It became the center of the cup, entangled by an intricate web of silver against black earth. It was like a drop of the moon whose light broke through the darkness. It reminded him of Nino.

“I hope you are satisfied with our service,” Sho said, breaking Jun’s thought.

“I am.” Jun’s smile was wide. He put the cup back into the box and wrapped it in the purple furoshiki. “Please extend to Ninomiya-sensei my gratitude.”

Then he left the workshop, unsure if he was feeling fulfilled or hollow.

 

**

 

“He took it already?” Nino asked when he noticed the box was gone from the table in his office.

Sho nodded. “Is it really alright to not meet him?”

“Can’t help it. A job is a job.”

“How could you forget to tell me about the meeting?” Sho said, “If you had, I would have been able to adjust the schedule so you could have passed the cup yourself.”

Nino said nothing in return. He just sat there and started sketching. Truth be told, Nino decided not to tell Sho about the clashing schedule. He just thought it would bother others to change everyone's time arrangements. And he was afraid. This way at least it felt less real. It felt less real that he had ever met Jun. Because Jun did not hold on to him during the taxi ride in Tokyo despite Nino’s blatant move. Perhaps Jun had no interest.

“Nino,” Sho put a hand on his shoulder, “you have his email now. At least ask him how he finds the cup. Or simply thank him after they transfer their payment.”

Nino nodded, but he never sent any email. He put Jun away from his mind with all the commissions he had and the upcoming competition. But when he saw Jun in the movie magazines that Sho left at home, he found that small round shape, at times around the neck, at times hanging on his wrist, and traced it with his hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been changing this chapter since I posted the last one. The whole story was finished for quite some time, but there were parts where I kept thinking, "this won't work if it's them". I finally settled with this version. If there are weird parts, please do tell. 
> 
> And yes ... Toma and Aiba are together ^_____^  
> I'd love to explore this in a different story, but that should wait because I'm starting a whole different story now.


	7. Tea for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In rekindling lost connection.

“Jun, this is the list of people I am sending gifts for oseibo,” Aiba passed his tablet to Jun. It was the first week of December and the time to send oseibo, gifts of gratitude as in Japanese tradition, would start soon. “Do you want to add anyone?”

Jun studied the list. He personally thought that sending oseibo gifts as a bothersome tradition. But Aiba insisted that he had to, arguing that his parents and grandparents, all business owners, kept their clients and business partners happy with these gifts.

There were lists of directors of Jun’s movies and drama that year, and also several actors and actresses he had played together, names of producers and people from magazines, and owner of the agency he was in.

“Can you add Hanishina Kiln too?”

“Not for Ninomiya-sensei?”

Jun gave a tired smile. “Just Hanishina Kiln would do.”

Aiba put Hanishina Kiln on the list. “I thought you liked him.”

“I’m not sure if we can make it. I don’t think he is ready to date a public figure. I don’t think any partner would be fine, having seen his partner kissing others or getting Friday’d with someone else.”

Aiba rolled his eyes, “Hey, I’m dating a star, and yet we’re alright despite the tabloids. Jun, stop putting others in your perspective. Just because you have jealousy and commitment issues doesn’t mean that others have the same.”

Jun glared at Aiba. It was fortunate that they were in a waiting room during a movie recording, because if they were in a more private place, Jun might have punched Aiba in the face. “You’re a manager in a talent agency. That makes a whole lot of difference,” Jun said in the end, shoving the tablet to Aiba’s hands. “But you’re right.”

“Sorry, though, I’m crossing my line.” Aiba hurriedly said. He heaved a sigh. “What do you have in mind for Hanishina Kiln?”

“Not food,” Jun said in certainty. He remembered how Nino showed no interest in the food he brought as temiyage when visiting the workshop. He thought of any perishable that fits for oseibo and settled with tea. “Gyokuro,” he said, mentioning the finest Japanese tea. Sho prepared tea all the time for Nino when he was working, Jun remembered that much.

 

**

 

Sho put the teapot next to Nino who was sitting at the engawa, watching the snow falling on their inner garden. Snow had fallen as early as November in the mountains this year. The small garden had completely covered with white.

“Tea?” He poured a cup and extended it to Nino.

The potter was bundled with layers of sweaters and scarf and even draped a blanket over him. Sho still laughed whenever he saw how Nino hated cold but still loved sitting at the engawa in winter.

Nino took the cup and had a sip.

“You changed the tea,” he said, as he looked down and was greeted by clear jade green liquid.

“Jun sent oseibo,” was all Sho said.

Nino just hummed. He kept his eyes on the cup, watching as the green slowly turned to golden hue as it grew cold and oxidized. “I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said suddenly.

“About what?”

“I’ll sell Kokoro to Watanabe-san,” Nino answered. Watanabe was a ceramic collector who had had his eyes on Kokoro for years.

Sho poured a cup of tea for himself. “What makes you change your mind?”

“Mujo, Sho, transience. Nothing is meant to stay forever. The bowl was the same. It should have been thrown away when it was broken.” Nino smiled, “I’ve been holding on to grandpa’s death for so long. It’s time to let go.”

“Should I contact Watanabe-san?”

“If you please.”

They grew quiet for a while.

“Next year you’ll be moving downtown, and I'll have to let you go too.”

“Nino….”

“You’ll have other obligations, babies that I will dote like crazy. Then father will move in with me when he’s retired in a few years. I will probably find other apprentices. Kanata-kun will build his own studio and leave.” He poured more tea into his cup. “Nothing is meant to stay forever. I have to let go.”

“I never quite understand whenever you're getting too philosophical,” Sho laughed a little, “But on my part, I have decided to support you and this kiln. So I have no plan to neglect this job as long as I can.”

“Thank you.” He leaned at the column and looked down at his cup of tea. “I’m so grateful of that.”

Nino had those eyes again and Sho understood what Nino meant to say without really saying anything.

Sho sighed. “If you wonder if I feel guilty of how your grandpa passed away, then yes, I still do.”

Nino looked up and found Sho’s eyes glistened.

“He was your only support, and when he passed away, I thought, maybe I could take over at least a little of his role, it could lessen my guilt.” Sho paused, sipping his tea and turned his eyes away from Nino.

“I’m sorry it rubbed you the wrong way.” Sho’s words trailed away.

Nino chuckled. “This is getting embarrassing to talk,” he said, “but Sho-chan, I have gotten over your rejection a long time ago. You being here is more than enough already.”

He sneaked his hand to find Sho’s.

Sho gave the hand a squeeze.

“Time to work,” Nino suddenly pulled his hand away and got up. It still scared him sometimes that he might lose control if Sho let his guard down. He stretched his back as he walked towards the workshop. “I know what I am going to make for the competition.”

 

**

 

Nino sneaked some time to watch Jun’s latest movie. It was an action movie and exposed Jun’s agile body. It impressed Nino, that human body could move like that. It was beautiful.

If it had not triggered him so much, he would probably have locked himself in his room and masturbate. Instead, he went straight from the cinema to his workshop and started kneading clay. His head was filled with shapes and colors to make.

 

**

 

Jun said it, on a national television, without anyone from Hanishina Kiln knowing, about the cup that he used at home. He proudly showed a picture of the kintsugi piece and said how it made him felt accomplished and fulfilled after mending the cup. He said nothing about the story behind the cup, not even mentioning where he mended the cup, but long hard-die fans knew where it was made anyway. It was the cup that had appeared in a TV show before. One that clearly mentioned Hanishina Kiln.

It became internet news for a day. Not enough to be caught by bigger media, but enough for curious fans to find where to buy pottery from the kiln, or even sign up for pottery workshop they open once in awhile. It actually was not a surprise for Nino and Kanata to have more female participants in their open workshops, but when their spring holiday workshop season arrived, one of them told in passing that they learned about the kiln because they were Jun’s fan, it intrigued Nino to ask further.

“He showed this tea cup on the TV, and we learned it was the tea cup he made at the time of his debut as the main character in a drama,” the ladies gladly explained. “So we wanted to try how it is to make pottery.”

Another woman chimed in, “but it was broken and mended. So the cup must have a lot of meaning for him.”

“First main character,” said the first one.

Nino smiled. He was happy to know Jun showed off his cup. It might also a way to say to his ex that he was moving on. Such a star, making such proclaim on a national TV, Nino thought. But if Jun has moved on, where would he be heading to?

“I’m sorry,” one of the ladies said, “it sounds like we’re trampling on tradition, having interest only after our favorite actor mentioned it on TV.”

Another added, “Excuse us for being so worked up over Matsujun here.”

“Matsujun?” Nino inclined his head.

“His best friends call him that way. So we just follow that. It sounds cute,” She paused, blush was spreading on her cheeks, “oh, I’m getting too worked up again.”

Nino laughed. “You're a fan anyway,” he said, “Older generation would probably mind, ah no, I don’t think my late grandfather would mind, but I personally think that no matter for what reason, I’m happy if anyone has an interest in pottery and even joins the workshop.”

“So cool. I think I will turn into Ninomiya-sensei's fan.”

Nino laughed again. Perhaps he should send a thank you gift to Jun for popularizing the kiln. Workshops did not pay much because they were mainly for promotion, but interest in pottery meant people would appreciate handmade pottery more, and more likely to buy the product. Free promotions such as what Jun and his fans gave were precious.

Before Jun’s fan went home, he asked them to send him the recording of the TV show, saying he’d like to see it himself.

 

**

 

“You’re making quite an internet news.”

Shun extended his phone at Jun. Shun was an actor that became Jun’s best friend over years following two double leading roles. They were having a drink in Shun’s place, because after Shun got married and had his child, he would rather drink at home since his wife cooked better than any izakaya.

“What news?”

“The kintsugi. It’s the cup you made with Higashiyama-san, right? The one you smashed when you two broke up.” He showed a page from his phone, “Looks like your kintsugi master becomes famous among your fans.” Shun chuckled, “and they say he’s really cute too.”

Jun scrolled down the phone. “Since when you browse 2ch?”

He caught a picture of Nino in hakama, obviously teaching how to shape earth into a cup. His eyes lingered on the picture a little longer than he wanted. Nino looked really good. Wearing hakama forced Nino to stand straighter, and it emphasized his Japanese facial features. Come to think of it, Jun had only seen Nino in decent clothes when they met in Tokyo.

“Looks like they don’t know you did the kintsugi there too,” Shun said, taking back his phone away from Jun.

Jun just sighed. He put his bet when he sent the oseibo to Hanishina Kiln, hoping that Nino would personally send him a message. Instead, a reply gift of selected.local dried fruits came, with a printed card from the kiln. The only thing that made him felt a little better was a handwritten message from Sho, saying how Nino loved the tea.

Shun put his phone on the table and reached for karaage on the table. “It’s good, though, that you finally got over Higashiyama-san. Are you for settling down now? Since they acknowledge same-sex marriage now. You can actually register.”

“Masaki would kill me.”

“I thought he would fight for it since he and Toma are serious.”

Jun laughed. “The higher-up might cover their eyes about same-sex relationship, but only as long as it does not flip our sales.”

“Come on, we are actors, not idols.”

Jun shrugged, “I know. But public won’t accept it so easily, you know? It’s Japan. Even picture of me and Kyoko-chan triggered a rumor. And we actually went to the restaurant separately, in separate rooms. Imagine if I or Toma register for same-sex partnership.”

“Who’s going to get married?” Yu appeared in the sitting room. She just tucked their daughter to bed after she managed to separate her from her Uncle Jun.

“No one,” Jun hurriedly answered.

Shun opened his arms and Yu sat leaning to his chest on the love seat.

“We were talking about Aiba and Toma.” Shun filled in.

“Oh. Well, it’ll be great if they can.” Yu nodded, then she turned her face towards Jun, “I’ve been wondering about something,” Yu said, “You can choose not to answer, but you’ve been wearing that pendant since autumn last year. It’s almost end of spring, yet you’re still wearing it.”

“Oh, this?” Jun did not realize that he had been playing with the pendant hanging on his neck. “Lovely, right?”

“Quite rare to see you wearing the same thing for months.” Yu eyed him closely, “Someone gave it to you.”

Damn women and their intuition.

Jun snapped his hand away from the pendant.

“See, I told you,” Yu said to her husband.

Shun laughed. “She’s been betting that since February. Ah so? Is that why you’re ready to move on?”

“Is it Kame-chan?” Yu asked.

Kame was a make-up artist in Jun’s currently airing drama. Jun started to get interested in him because of the name. It was a lame reason. Jun misread it as Kazunari when he met the man and saw the name on the business card. It was written with the same kanji as Nino’s, but then the make-up artist commenting that it was weird that Jun read it that way because it was a rare way of reading and his reading, Kazuya, was way more common.

He had to admit that he invited Kame out several times already. And he enjoyed going out with the make-up artist.

Kame was fashionable, he loved drinking out, he loved driving, traveling, and shared a lot of other interests with Jun; something that could be a good start for a relationship. And Jun liked him as a person enough that Jun was willing to try. However, he felt Kame lacked something that Jun had longed for in a partner, a steady and solid existence where Jun could anchor himself.

Kame always looked up to him with eyes full of adoration. Jun felt that for Kame, he would never be just a Matsumoto Jun. He would always be Matsumoto Jun the actor, the man who had gotten man of the year title, the ideal boyfriend based on reader's poll. Jun was afraid that showing his everything to Kame would break the balance.

“He’s nice,” Jun trailed off. His hand unconsciously reaching towards his purple ceramic pendant and twirled it between his fingers.

Yu broke herself free from Shun and sat on the handrest of Jun’s armchair. She ran her fingers through Jun’s hair. The three of them had known each other since they were nobodies and for Jun, both Shun and Yu were like siblings already.

“You need a harbor, Matsujun, just someone who is there waiting for you,” Yu said in a hushed tone. Yu might be younger than him, but she was a million times more of an adult. She threw her sight at Shun who raised his wine and had a sip. “Despite our door is always open for you, we will never be able to fulfill your needs.”

“I know.” He leaned towards Yu and let himself be spoiled. He loved it, this feeling of no expectations that he got from his two close friends, where he did not have to look cool and stoic, where he could be whatever he was without being afraid of being judged. He came back to that feeling he had when he was sitting at engawa with Nino beside him, the time when he simply told his past relationship with Higashiyama and the easiness of just being there with no need for making effort to impress.

“Jun?” Yu asked a little worried when Jun moved and leaned deeper into her.

Jun sighed, “I guess I missed the chance already.”

He wondered if that night he had pulled Nino back into the taxi and taken him home, would there have been a chance for them? A relationship is not decided based on one person’s needs and wants. It had to be from both sides. Surely Jun read Nino’s hints quite well, but at that time, he had not been ready to take the leap. Nino was not from the entertainment businesses.

Yu just hummed in understanding and continued stroking his hair.

 

**

 

Jun dated Kame for a couple of months, but they broke up during the rainy season. The reason was as ridiculous as how they started getting together. That one time, Kame asked if he could borrow something of Jun because he had to go shooting outside the country as part of the crew, and he asked to borrow Jun’s pendant because it had always been closest to Jun’s heart.

Jun refused and Kame got angry.

It became an ugly fight when Kame asked why and Jun answered that the pendant was from someone he held importantly.

Jun came that night to Shun’s place with a cut on his lips, and Yu made him a cup of warm chocolate instead of letting Jun joining Shun with alcoholic drinking.

“Don’t tell me, ‘I told you so’,” Jun had said when she passed him the mug. But she just ruffled his hair and went to the bathroom to take the medical kit for Jun’s lips, while Shun patted the seat next to him and let Jun sat there, accompanied by sound from the TV.

 

**

 

Nino watched the male photographer arranged his works on the table while the magazine reporter asked him questions. Most of them were quite technical questions, especially on how he had the idea of composing earthenware with silver. He won one bronze for another design, but people are more interested in this set, which won honorable mention. He modestly said that he only used his knowledge about metals because he studied metallurgy.

“So, technical parts aside, can you explain further about the concept of your design? Your title is 'how about some tea?’, and you were talking about catching up with someone who grew apart,” the female interviewer asked. She leaned a little forward.

“Don’t you think it is like that?” Nino fixed his posture in the seat so he looked more proper for the camera. “When you meet someone you haven’t met recently, you’ll use that phrase so you can arrange another meeting and then you’ll get a chance to catch up. If you have changed your emails or phone numbers, by saying that, you’ll get the chance to exchange contacts again. The title is rather blatant. It’s just what it is.”

He cleared up his throat and reached for his drink before he continued. “Only when you start talking again that you can reinforce your relationship, thus the unbroken line on the design, and if the connection is established, then your feeling towards that person would go deeper and that person will be more precious.”

“Thus the precious metal.” The interviewer indicated to a part of the piece where an indentation is filled with hardened silver. “Does the white finish and use of silver has a meaning to it? I personally see white as a symbol of purity….”

Nino tilted his head a little and said quietly, “I’m not much of a person who uses color symbolization. They are very subjective and can be interpreted into contradicting meanings. It’s just playing with techniques to produce colorings on my part, by changing what clay to use and how you fire them. But if one insists that white be a symbol of purity, then it can be interpreted that way. I think beholders have the right to give their own interpretation.”

He paused for a short while then continued, “but the result of my firing is off-white, so if you say white is the color of purity, then my work implies ulterior motive, don’t you think?”

Nino laughed lightly at his own joke while the lady interviewer waved her hands, and denied such thing. But Nino was telling quite truthfully about ulterior motives. If he ever invited Jun for tea, he definitely hoped that it would be more than just catching up and separated again. He wanted to stay connected. He wanted to make sure, if there was a hole in Jun’s life, the way Jun’s cup had missed a piece, he knew he’d fit and keep the other pieces in balance. He wanted to know whether he would fit in other ways too.

 

**

 

Jun saw the art magazine when he went to the bookstore for leisure. He had spent his days off quietly following his break up with Kame. He still went out for parties if invited and still brought home models or actors, but only those who were not in for a relationship. It was easier and less burden when they left because he did not expect them to stay.

The print “Ninomiya Kazunari” caught his eyes when he passed the art magazine row at the opposite of theater and movie magazine row. Had it been written at the bottom of the cover, he probably would not notice it. But it was at the top right corner of the magazine, and Jun saw it clearly.

The magazine was quite old, released almost a month ago. It was a coverage of the international ceramic conference and its ceramic competition. Jun thought of going to the place where the exhibition was held, but he found it had finished two days before and cursed.

He bought the magazine along with some magazines on acting.

He searched the magazine for Nino and found that he was featured in two articles. One as a winner for the bronze prize, where close shots of white ceramics plates dominated his spreads, only featuring one picture of Nino when he received the prize, modestly smiling, wearing a dark blue jacket over a red-white checkered shirt and plain blue jeans. The interview talked quite a lot about how Nino became a potter and how he changed Hanishina Kiln from a thoroughly traditional kiln to a contemporary one, though still adopting the traditional values.

It amused Jun to learn all these because he never knew anything about Nino. Unlike Jun whose profile was accessible everywhere and interviews neatly preserved by fans all over the internet, Nino’s interview was hard to come by.

You could find pictures or reviews of his works, but hardly about the person himself.

Jun found an interview with Kanata, Nino’s apprentice, too. Kanata won an honorable mention on design with his set of soup bowls. Jun noticed how he talked very fondly of his teachers from Hanishina Kiln, saying how Nino taught him what Hanishina-sensei had not following the sensei’s passing. Kanata dearly mentioned Nino as Kazu-nii in the magazine, and it made Jun smiled.

And then there was another of Nino’s interview. It was shorter than the first one. There was, again a small shot of him, the exact same outfit with the one in the other interview, carrying the certificate next to an elderly man. But the shots in the two pages spread had several shots where he could see Nino. The biggest picture had Nino’s blurry shape as background for the tea set. Three smaller photos showed Nino talking animatedly. He was wearing the same outfit with the one he wore when he was accepting the certificate, but without the jacket.

Jun liked reading the interviews, able to peek deeper into the potter’s life. He seemed very into his works, telling detailed methods of his work, sharing secrets of his technique with no sense of insecurity if one day someone would use it to compete him. It marveled Jun that Nino had full confidence in his expertise and loved to have competitors. It also showed his interest in the adventure to expand the traditional methods that his ancestors had perfected.

But it made him a bit jealous, to read Nino talking about his title of his work. If he met Nino again, would the potter invite him for a tea? Or if he invited Nino, would Nino accept?

He threw the magazine to the table in his green room and leaned back to the chair. His hand reached to the round shape on his chest and wondered if he had another chance.

 

**

 

“Jun,” Aiba greeted him as he entered the green room after a long day of shooting two weeks later, “This came to the office this afternoon.” He pointed towards a box on the table. It was quite big, about the size of two shoe boxes, wrapped neatly in brown paper.

Jun inclined his head. His office forbade fans to send things other than letters, so it should be from someone in the business, perhaps former co-actor or staff.

“Just open it,” Aiba told him. He pulled Jun closer to the table.

It was addressed to Matsumoto Jun, care of Aiba Masaki, indicating that the sender was someone who probably knew Jun personally, and thus was forwarded by the people at the front office to Aiba. His eyes ran to smaller writing below the recipient address.

_Sender:_

_Ninomiya Kazunari._

Jun’s heartbeat went faster as he anticipated what he would find inside. He did not realize he was holding his breath.

Inside was a light brown wooden box with burnt marking of Hanishina Kiln and Nino’s red stamp.

He slid the wooden box open and found a white teapot and two teacups, all three lined with silver curves. Jun had seen these pieces before. He had read how Nino melted silver in the dents, his meticulous way of maintaining kiln temperature, and his intention when he made them.

He reached for the card, stuck at the back of the box lid. It was simply white, with bold handwriting.

_Jun-san,_

_How about some tea?_

_Nino_

 

**

 

Jun visited Hanishina Kiln on his next day off. It was about two months after he received the tea set. He brought it with him.

The visit was a surprise, but Sho and Aiba helped to make sure that Nino was home.

It was a new face that opened the door for him, a new apprentice that surely just started because he looked unsure when Jun urged him to call Nino. The young man gaped at him, obviously recognizing who Jun was. It was a good thing that Sho appeared from inside and told Inoo, the new apprentice, to call Nino to the front door. Sho lingered at the door, and Jun congratulated the manager for his recent marriage.

A short while after, Nino came to the door.

It was different from how Jun remembered him coming out the door the first time they met. Nino still wore old and tattered clothes, this time added with an old knitted sweater since it was already autumn and it was already cold in the mountains of Gifu. But this time his eyes went round when he recognized Jun. That, and he smiled.

“Jun… I didn’t expect you to come,” he trailed off as he froze at the door and behind him, Jun saw Sho dragged the new apprentice away.

Jun extended his hand, holding a box wrapped in autumn color furoshiki. “Usually, when people invite someone for a drink, they don’t send a tea set.”

“You practiced that line, didn’t you?” Nino grinned as he leaned against the door frame, apparently getting over his surprise.

Jun smile bloomed and he nodded. “So, are you going to let me in?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always like the way 和也 is read as "Kazunari" for Nino's name. The part where Jun misread Kame's name is not likely, since the most common reading is "Kazuya". There was even a reporter reading Nino's name as "Kazuya" when she reported for Nino's seijinshiki. So let's just say, Jun's mistake happened because he was thinking of Nino.


	8. Epilogue: Ephemera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is not love that I seek, it is the comfort that you exude.

Nino described his relationship with Jun like submerging himself in the air and breathe. They only met once in awhile, between schedules of movie and drama shots. Even when Jun visited, he often had to memorize his script and Nino was busy with his commissions. Jun would accompany Nino by the kiln while Nino tended the fire and they would talk while stealing kisses when none of the apprentices was around. Nino would visit Jun's when he had days off and Jun would steal time to go home and cook. They would play games side by side, something they could only do together online when their schedules were busy. They would end up entangled on top of one another, smiling and contented with the short moments of pleasures they could get.

They did not see each other much, but it was just perfect for Nino because he was not so good in giving much attention. And he knew that Jun was there to support him.

For Jun, being with Nino took a lot of adjustment at the beginning. In his past relationships, he used to meet between works almost on weekly basis and be physically close. They had an argument when Jun complained that Nino lived far away from Tokyo despite knowing so well that Nino would never move out from his house. He had to slowly accept that Nino would only answer him with hums and unspoken nods when he called at the end of the day instead of having passionate conversations like those he had with his previous partners. In the end, he came to term that it was enough that Nino listened to him without any judgment and gave him his thoughts when Jun asked. And it amazed Jun how despite Nino’s fragile and childish look, he was a calm and steady existence where Jun anchor himself when he lost his confidence.

Sometimes Jun visited the kiln with his best friends, Shun and Yu and their children. The children loved playing with clay.

During those moments Sho would come with his wife and baby daughter, and Aiba tagging along with Toma. Ohno would complain why he had no partner, but then he’d concluded that having a partner was a hassle. Kanata would be happy on such visits because he would be free from cooking task, because despite Inoo, the new apprentice, was a good designer, his level of expertise in the kitchen was as hopeless as Sho.

Neither Nino nor Jun knew how long they would be together because none of them had the courage to promise for forever, but they treasured every day like it was the last one for them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this up to the very end. I started writing this at the end of my grad studies back in summer and only finished writing two months after I graduated. It came up after a discussion on mono no aware and wabi sabi concept with my labmates, and I just decided that I have to write something about it. I chose to go for pottery because I love the idea behind kintsugi… and I love the idea of Nino working on pottery. 
> 
> As for Jun/Noriyuki and Nino/Sho I have to admit that I was projecting my own feelings on an experience at the beginning of my final semester. 
> 
> This fanfiction is my kintsugi.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no knowledge in pottery. If I made mistakes, please do correct me.


End file.
